Back in the boardroom where all the lawyers are now gathered, Horatio Hornblawyer explains the facts of the clone case: "Axel Sisto was born with a defective liver. He's had three operations so far, but he needs a compatible liver transplant or he'll be dead in a year." Axel? The kid's name is Axel? So, given the title of this episode, I have to think of Axl Rose, which makes me think of Briar Rose from Sleeping Beauty and you know, roses have thorns. Thorn was the name of the vampire's dog in The Lost Boys. The Lost Boys was filmed in Santa Cruz (called Santa Carla in the movie, "the murder capital of the United States"), and tomorrow we're taking the Pacific Coast Highway (also known as the PCH or Route 1) down to Santa Cruz. Do you see how everything centers on me? "When he said 'born with a defective liver,' I thought I heard him say that Axel was 'born into a defective litter.' Like, that's how they have kids in the future: In a box under the stairs," the Evil Dr. Mathra interjects. My question is, and I'm no genetic scientist, mind, but won't the clone also have a defective liver? I mean, if they harvest the clone's liver cells, don't they have the potential to be just as messed up as the prototype's liver since they're, well, CLONES?! The father's liver isn't compatible because he got Hepatitis-D "back in the teens" (by which they mean the 20teens, I guess, and not Ira's teenage years), and the waiting list for juvenile transplants is three years. Hector wonders why Ira didn't have another kid "the old-fashioned way." Ira's a widower. "Well, he could have strapped on a mate-finder and scanned for women who want to have organ donor babies," Darwin callouses. It's kind of hard to tell which part of that sentence is sarcastic.
Okay, so Ira and Axel went to Singapore, where they took cells from Axel's arm and made the clone cell mass. The cell mass is supposed to be implanted into a surrogate mother, and after the clone is born, half of its liver will be used as the donor organ. "Which it won't mind giving up for its brother?" Hannah asks. "Well -- its twin. Its self. Wouldn't you do the same for an identical sibling?" Horatio Hornblawyer asks. I'd do it for you, Ioan. Battorney Montero makes some comment about biting his brother when he tried to take his meatball sub. Chuckle from all except me, because all I can think of it the Mozzarella Ball that became Trip's clone. Cloning is legal in Singapore and illegal in the U.S., but there's no law about what happens to a clone once it gets into the country. Horatio Hornblawyer shows what his heart is made of when he prefers to take the case on a pro bono basis. Darwin the Dick puts up an argument citing the fact that they have "new furniture" to pay for and can't afford to float freebies. Hannah asks Lee May (Miss Practically Perfect in Every Blonde Way) if she has an opinion. She doesn't. That's going to make being a lawyer very hard for her. Hannah says she need a reason to take this on. "Because we can help this child!" Horatio Hornblawyer insists. "Better reason," states Darwin the Dick. Horatio Hornblawyer cocks his head: "Because I can win." Sigh. "Remember when you had that kind of passion?" Hector asks no one in particular. Maybe he's talking to himself. Hannah makes a decision: "Move for summary judgment, emergency basis. In case the Customs Service forgets to keep the clone in a freezer." Ah, clone Popsicle jokes, they do get old. The meeting breaks. Hannah holds back Battorney Montero and tells him that she wants him to take on the case with Horatio Hornblawyer so that he can keep a bat eye on him. If the case goes to a place that could hurt the firm, Hannah wants the whole thing dropped. "When did you become such a hard-ass?" asks Battorney Montero. "When my name went on the door," says Hannah, flicking a bit of exposition from her suit.