Century City
Sweet Child Of Mine

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In Defense Of Clones

Hector plays with his food. He even eats some. "Cherries without pits: greatest invention of the century," he mumbles. "Cherries had pits?" Horatio Hornlawyer asks. Dude, how old are you? I'm sure you were alive when cherries had pits even if you were only a baby. It's still your history. Gah, this show is going to be full of stuff like this, isn't it? I don't mind if it makes sense, but that...didn't. "Grapes had seeds," Hector adds. "Did ice cream have bones?" Horatio Hornlawyer asks. Bones? I don't even know what the hell he's talking about. "That was before my time," says Hector. Horatio Hornlawyer then brings up the writs of replevin for his Clone Case as the most straightforward way to recover property. According to Hector, the writs of replevin are a bit out of date. The upshot is (and it takes us a long meandering time to get there, as is a lawyer's wont) that Horatio Hornlawyer wants to prove that the detention, not the taking, of the clone is illegal, and therefore should be given back to its rightful owner. Hector has been picking up some food and smelling it and finally asks, "What the hell are these?" So, in the future we can't recognize food? "I guess those were food cubes," the Evil Dr. Mathra thinks. Summaries of this show says that Hector Elizondo plays the "wise senior partner" in Century City. Is there ever a role he has where he doesn't play the "wise something-something"? In Pretty Woman, he was the wise hotel manager; in Necessary Roughness, he was the wise football coach; in The Princess Diaries, he was the wise chauffeur/queen-lover; in Runaway Bride he was the wise photographer; and in Tortilla Soup, he was the wise chef-father. If he ever gets to star in Six Feet Under, he will undoubtedly play the wise corpse of the week.

Horatio Hornlawyer twinkles his eyes with brash, young optimism as he leads Ira to a room and tells him they won't have to go to trial if they win today. In the corner of the brushed metal room, a boy in black fiddles with things. Battorney Montero is already there, and he tells Horatio that he thinks the case has interesting public-policy implications, and that he wants to help out. Horatio is glad until Battorney Montero admits that he didn't practice much law before he got into politics. "Activating courtroom, Commander!" the boy in black says in a weird accent. Ira, Battorney Montero, and Horatio turn to look at him in surprise. "Don't mind him," Horatio advises Ira. Since the next line Boy In Black delivers is totally normal, I was very confused. Then I realized he was trying to be Scotty. I cracked up at the Star Trek shout-out, but was very confused as to why he sounded more like Chekov than Scotty. The Evil Dr. Mathra thought he sounded Indian. A bubble flashes up to show a judge at a table picking at the dandruff on her robes. Horatio is happy with the judge selection. In his normal voice, Boy in Black announces, "Our honorable opponent, United States Attorney." B.D. Wong's hologram appears upside-down. There are white lines moving up and down the hologram, which makes me shout, "He's being scanned by an unknown ship!" Horatio's not happy with their opponent, and asks that Boy in Black put him right side up. After Boy in Black does this, we can see Wong pull out a wedgie. Okay, the dandruff thing was slightly amusing, but now with this? It's dumb. After the judge ascertains that everyone has her hologram right side up, they start with the arguments. Judge decides the case needs to go to trial. Horatio cites Reconstruction Act of 2009, and asks for a jury. He gets it. Judge bangs her gavel metallically and says, "What's next, Harry? I need a pit stop." So everyone is crasser in the future? I don't understand why the holographic projections would make people less aware of general comportment than if they were being seen in real life. "So we lost?" Ira asks. "Just the first round," Horatio smiles. There's a hissing noise, and we see Hologram Wong's head inflating as he looks around. Boy in Black steals up behind him and pops his hologram head with his finger. Ira jumps. I realize he's playing U.S. Attorney Chin here, but there's no way I can look at B.D. Wong and not think of his role as Howard Weinstein, assistant wedding planner. He had such a great voice in that movie, "Doe, doe fiiiive thooooowsand dollars a head." Always talked through his nose, though.

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Century City

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