My patience with this show is already waning. I don't know if it's the annoying flip-flop they did with last Saturday's episode, which is now this Saturday's episode; the fact that I will have to recap two of these episodes in a week; or just that this show is really, really, REALLY taking the last train to Dullsville. I was willing to concede some interest in the premiere episode, but it's pretty much gone now. I'm not even interested in meeting you at the station, so I won't be there by 4:30 even IF you've made a reservation. Oh, no, no, no. But since the path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic herd, here is your recap.
Horatio Hornblawyer walks into the office past the big wall bearing the names of partners of the firm: "Crane, Constable, McNeil & Montero." What a happy coincidence that not only is Hannah Crane is the founder and senior partner of the firm, but her name also comes first alphabetically. That way we'll never know if she's truly a power-hungry, status-seeking, control freak. Nor will I ever care. All the other lawyers are sitting around drinking futuristic green power drinks in bottles emblazoned with Asian characters while watching potential clients talk to the receptionist. By purely superficial methods -- like one guy's lack of shoelaces or some cuts on another dude's face -- they try to guess who's in for what. My stars, they even bet on their guesses and call it "Waiting Room Bingo"! THOSE CALLOUS LAWYERS! Eh. Then callousness turns to complete I-don't-know-what -- cheese? Contrivance? Downright heavy-handed melodrama? Something like that. Anyway, Darwin the Dick checks out some woman who is clutching a shawl around her shoulders and looking uncomfortable. Darwin the Dick thinks she's there because she got written out of her father's will. Horatio takes one look at the woman in question and his face freezes, "Drop it," he orders. "Look at her face," Darwin the Dick continues. "She's mourning and angry all at the same time." "I said drop it!" Horatio rebarks. That tears it -- I do not like Ioan's hair at all. Taking in Horatio's extreme reaction, Hannah shrewdly determines that the woman is not there about a will. Horatio shakes his head wordlessly. Darwin the Dick wants to know what's going on. Hannah helpfully explains Horatio's telepathy: "Two years in Sex Crimes at the D.A.'s office, I'm guessing you learned how to read people there too, huh, Lukas?" Horatio nods. Hannah tells him that the case is his. Horatio would rather not. "No problem -- anyone else here successfully convict thirty-one sex offenders?" Hannah says, taking a mock look around the room. Of course, there's no one else with those stellar sex stats, so guess who gets to save the day again? Our man Horatio. Hannah tells him, "It wasn't a suggestion." Hey, lady, he only takes orders from Cpt. Pellew! Although, in now two consecutive episodes, Hannah has been good for two things: exposition of another character's background, and ordering him or her to do something. Last week, it was through Hannah's order that Khanita help out on Horatio's case that we learned Khanita was Genetically Perfect in Every Way, and now this. You know, I think the future is colorblind, because that navy blue suit with the salmon shirt and yellow tie? Well, it's making me feel a little bilious.