Girl Three Arrives. Vanessa. "Outspoken Intellectual." She likes to dance, she says. Her quote: "I'll use my mind to seduce him." Well, you sure as hell won't use that ugly fucking sweater. Then again, this is Andy we're dealing with. I don't think there is really much you can do. She says that she intimidates guys but she's a dork. She's honest, and we see her play the piano, and soon she's walking through the house and Nicki is greeting her. Short bus. Andy eats a candy bar.

Girl Four. She says guys like long hair. Andy says he likes long hair. My cat says she likes flies. I lock her in the bathroom because she's much more interesting than this show and I'm having a hard enough time already. The girl says that her eyes are "electric" and "light blue." My eyes are "tired" and "sick of watching this show." This girl is Amy, the "Confident Professional." Her quote: "I'm the girl-next-door but wild." Funny, this show is the "reality-program-next-door but terrible." Amy tells us that she works hard in sales. She holds a small white-rat dog and butchers the language by saying, "I like to have some sort of spunkiness in me." I'm sure she likes to have a lot of things in her. She shows up at the house and meets the other girls. They throw small invisible daggers at each other -- well, Nicki just undresses the others with her creepy cat eyes -- and stand around in the courtyard and talk when Andy shows up on a balcony above. They all stop talking and say hello. He pretends to jump down, and the girls all play along, being forced to fucking stand in the rain. He continues the bit as all the girls pretend to make like to catch him. All that's going through their minds, obviously, is, "A straight guy wearing a scarf in Los Angeles? I don't think so." Andy shakes hands and then they all hug. MM voice-overs that a "distant bell" summons them into the "ritual room" where the "chaining ceremony" will begin. No. Seriously. You shut the fuck up right now, with that. Seriously. At least Survivor is on an island and shit with real peril and drama. This is five wanna-be actors hanging out in Rick Rubin's house while he's in New York trying to promote the new Run-DMC album. Well, it is the UPN. What do you expect. I mean, the show gets a five share and they're bouncing off the walls with glee.