Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | 1123 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
This Show Is The Weakest Link. Goodbye!

The group now walks around the house, exploring moving around in chains. Andy tells us what a challenge and what a "team-building experience" being chained to these women is for him. They all come to the kitchen and make sandwiches together. Fucking A this show is exciting. Amy asks Andy if she can touch his tomatoes. Kerstin feeds him an apple. I go to get a beer. They all sit and eat. Andy then reads from a binder. Apparently they showed the girls five bachelor videotapes, including Andy, and had them rank the men and comment on them. Andy now has those results. Suddenly, Kerstin is bummed, realizing she talked shit about Andy. She says that she was "tired." Andy reads. Amy said that Andy was "perfect" and that she wants to grab his cheeks. Vanessa said nice things about Andy also, and that he was her favorite of the five. Nicki thought that he was "hot" and that she "liked the body and the face." Kerstin, meanwhile, thought that Andy was too "preppy" and only went out with trophy girls. She thought that in ten years he'd be living in the Hamptons. Try Fire Island. Andy now voice-overs that though he was smiling while he read Kerstin's comments, "underneath [he] was definitely offended at some level." This show. Shut up. Commercials. Thank you. I need help. With life. With this show. Ouch.

Back. Andy babbles about how his feeling were hurt. He also says that right now he likes Amy most, even though she's his third favorite in terms of looks. Ouch. We learn that the kids can give confessionals, and Andy does, while the girls all wear headphones so they can't hear what he's saying. I need me a pair of those. Andy says that he thinks Vanessa talks a lot but is doing well, but Vanessa has made insecure comments and her trying to get on his same "wave-length" is see-through. I wish something on this show were see-through. That might make it at least partially interesting on some level. Any level.

Night. The kids all make drinks and have dinner outside. They talk about jealousy in relationships and Vanessa says she's never jealous. Andy doesn't believe it. Stee doesn't care. Amy agrees that she hasn't felt jealous. Vanessa starts to say she'd love to be married and Kerstin all dramatically says, "Me too!" -- but then Vanessa continues that if she has to be alone instead of finding the right guy then she will; Kerstin shuts up. Nicki hands out bread. Andy tells Vanessa, "That's the most truthful statement I've heard out of you all night." Vanessa gets mad. They fight. The corn on the cob they're eating is all black. That is more interesting than this fight about Andy not knowing Vanessa enough to judge her and her being honest and blah blah blah blackcorncakes. Vanessa tells us that she thought Andy was being a jerk. Amy babbles to us about Vanessa having pent-up anger. Andy says that they should all rip off their clothes and jump in the hot tub. Vanessa quips, "Andy, that was the most truthful thing I've heard you say all night." The ladies get all You Go Girl on us, high-fiving Vanessa. It's the best moment so far, which is like saying today was the best day you had while fighting in 'Nam.

Chains of Love

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