Skin. Finally. I guess. Who cares, though. The kids are all in the hot tub, drinking and dancing and talking and boring me. Later. They all brush teeth and talk. Now they're all changed and the girls all wear little tank tops, and Andy says tells us that the girls are all fun to be with and that he's already stressed about having to let someone go later. We get a fast-motion infrared cam of the night, with them all tossing and turning. This is quality television, folks. I'm sure Third World countries that just got TV and only get reruns of Suddenly Susan might like this show, but not anyone else.
Morning. The alarm goes off. Why? Amy tells us that Nicki and Vanessa are jealous that she and Kerstin get to be on the inside. The Dramatic Piano Of Fucking Kill Me Somebody plays as Amy continues, telling us that she's using her inside position to her advantage. Oh, and yes, in case you're only reading the recap and didn't see the show, it is exactly as stupid and pointless as it sounds. The kids all tumble and wrestle on the bed. No one is accidentally killed by a stray chain to the throat. Bummer. The kids eat breakfast. They then do yoga. Amy and Kerstin say they're being competitive. Whatever. MM tells us now, finally, that everyone will indeed have privacy in the bathroom. Well, that's stupid. Anyway, while Andy is masturbating, thinking about guys, the girls are all in the living room. They receive and watch a videotape from Andy's mom. His mom babbles about what kind of woman she'd like her son to settle down with. Keep dreaming, mom. She says something about an independent woman (nothing about having balls). The women keep saying how "cute" the mom is. She shows a photo of Andy at age four. Even the girls are like, "So." They all agree that you can tell a lot by a boy's relationship with his mother. None of them, however, realize that this tells them absolutely nothing about Andy's relationship with his mother.
Short bus. The girls tell Andy about the videotape. Andy says he had no idea that his mother was involved. He starts crying. Seriously. What a douche. He says that having his mom saying "those things" makes him feel good. The girls coo. I hurl. It's raining again, which is funny. I like that the weather is fucking everything up for the show. I like things being fucked up for the show. The group goes to eat at "the pier." I don't know where "the pier" is, even though I live in town. It doesn't look like Santa Monica. Okay. I'm babbling now. They eat at a fish joint on a rainy day. That's all you need to know. Andy tries to convince the girls to all eat raw oysters and let them "slide down [their] throat." Vanessa doesn't want to, though I'm pretty sure she's let a lot of things slide down her throat before. They sit down and finally do the oyster thing. What. Ever. There are shots of passersby looking strangely at the chained-up people. I can't even laugh. A dull whimper escapes my lips. My cat opens one eye. I forge ahead. The kids all walk up some stairs. They run into the Locksmith. Man, he cracks me up. They all tilt the camera and make the Blair Witch noise, and he stands in front of them all unsmiling. So the girls all hug, knowing one of them is about to get the boot. Dramatic music plays as the girls hug. Someone whines, "This is so much fun, you guys." Locksmith. Heart-beating noise. Gay. Everything's so gay. Commercial. Thank you, capitalism.