Chains of Love
Andy

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Stee: D+ | Grade It Now!
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This Show Is The Weakest Link. Goodbye!

Night. House. The kids "burn off some steam" before the Amy date by drinking in the kitchen and dancing. Andy voice-overs that he might choose Amy now because he thinks she's willing to "go places" that Kerstin is not. I give up. I do. What "places" is he talking about? Does he mean anal sex? Why can't he just say that? We're all adults, here.

Date. The date is just dinner in the living room by the fire, with Kerstin in the kitchen watching. Amy says she needs to forget about Kerstin and just pretend they're alone. She toasts and then starts talking about the dinner. She points to each food and says what it symbolizes and then uses that to teach him a little something about her. Her words and idea, not mine, people. Rice and beans somehow lead to her saying how she's never cheated on a boyfriend. And blackened catfish is spicy and so she kisses him. They make out a little as Kerstin watches, bummed. It is the worst kiss ever. This is the worst show ever. Andy starts hemming and hawing, saying that he's full of guilt and this is going to be a hard decision and no matter what he decides, he thinks that "this is something." Amy says, "I'm with you on that." Oh, what-the-fuck-ever. Blair Witch sound as the Locksmith enters the room. Andy lies on the floor. Amy whines, "God, what a way to interrupt dinner." Hee.

Standing. All three. More totally inappropriate Blair Witch noises. Andy says that he "needs" to give the girls each ten seconds to tell him why he should pick them. Amy says that she thinks she should stay so they can finish what they were talking about and "maybe pursue something later." Kerstin. She says they have a bond and she'd love to spend the last day with him. He blahs now, saying that he feels sick and that they've each given him experiences that he didn't think he'd get from this situation. He says he's going with his heart and that he's releasing Amy. He unchains her and he gives her twelve hundred dollars for her trouble. They hug, and he says he thinks she's wonderful and then wishes her good luck. After she walks off with the Locksmith, he says, all faux dramatic, "I feel totally bad right now." He has tears in his eyes. Man. Then Kerstin says that she felt disappointed that she had to sit and watch him make out with Amy when she thought they had a connection.

Meanwhile in the short bus, Amy says she thinks Andy chose Kerstin because from "day one they had a bond." Andy then tells us he hopes Amy knows he had to push buttons to get to know them. Amy says she thinks he has relationship issues. Andy thinks she'd be more vulnerable to "falling in love." Amy says that Kerstin is a good choice for friendship, but that he picked the wrong one if he wants something further. In other words, Kerstin might blow him, but Amy would blow him and then go make him some mac and cheese while he watches Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Amy disappears.

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Chains of Love

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