The distant bell. The gay-ass "Ritual Room" with the floral prints and the candles and the terrible. MM reads her lines so stiffly, it's rather amusing. She talks about the always being chained and the money and the Locksmith and the voting people off the chain when he shows up. Got it. Then she has them stand and asks Jennifer which were her two favorite messages. They were from Clinton and Wade. Everyone is laughing as MM explains that they get to be chained on the inside, and we see the "Chaining Ceremony," and I'm just glad because it takes up thirty seconds and there's no dialogue -- just a shitty guitar lick that my cat could play if you gave her a pick and a Fender and a couple hours to practice. MM reminds them that, the next time the Locksmith shows up, someone has to go.
Again. Same. They explore the house and what it's like to move around chained together. No one cares. Literally. Well, maybe the five of them, and perhaps a few crew members, but that's it. No one gives a shit. They put clothes away, and David says that Chris is starting to annoy him, and then someone voice-overs that being chained to three other guys is weird and that there is no telling what it may "hold." For some people, being chained to three other guys is simply a typical Friday night, so quit yer complaining.
Next, the five sit in front of a bank of TVs as they watch a videotaped message from Jennifer's ex back in Texas, Jim. Jim looks like a superhero. Jennifer tells us that seeing Jim was "shocking." Jim says that if Jennifer likes you, she'll hit you "like a ton of bricks" and you will be "exhausted." Jennifer buries her head in her hands and says, "Shut up, Jim!" Jim says the way to win Jennifer over is to ignore her, and then says that Jennifer comes across as an egotistical control freak but she's really the "sweetest thing" and has "so much love." Jennifer's eyes are filled with tears. Jennifer tells us that Jim changed her life and made her who she is. She goes on that Jim "touched" her; this is so dumb, now she's just going to be thinking about her ex the whole weekend. What's even dumber is that I'm thinking even this hard about the show. Wade now goes insane, telling us about some odd mental leap where the way Jim described Jennifer sounded just like girls he's been in "a relationship" with. He now starts talking to Jennifer, saying something about how he was married and had a baby who's eight and he hasn't seen her since she was four. He cries. Hee. He says, "I didn't want to talk about this," as Clinton and the boys look on shocked, dismayed, jealous, annoyed. They look like laughing, but they also look like they're wondering if perhaps Wade isn't an evil genius for showing this vulnerability so quickly, no matter how odd and retarded. Jennifer says, "Aww," and puts an arm around him. Someone else grabs his arm. David tells us that he genuinely felt sorry for him, but also felt that was the first step towards digging his own hole. Well, Wade loves things that can dig their own hole, so he should be loving himself right now. Wade wipes his eyes and the little heart icon beats and we fade to commercials. I'm buying whatever they're selling.