Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | Grade It Now!
Success! Sorta.

Morning. The alarm rings. The kids brush their teeth, then do some weird leg exercise and sit down to breakfast. Jennifer whore-overs that Chris is goofy, while David is funny but more serious. I just want to see the guys fight and kill Jennifer by mistake and then try to cover up the crime. That would be funny shit. David says that Chris is funny but hides behind his humor. Chris says that he has to show David who is the better man.

MM sluts out from another room to ruin their breakfast. She tells them they've done the two-date thing; Chris will be first, and David will trail behind. Chris's date is "Body Painting" and "Bubble Bath," the Graphics of Desperation tell us. They're down in the pool room, and Chris gives Jennifer a drink and makes a toast as David watches from a ways away. Chris deludedly tells us that lately he and Jennifer have been looking into each other's eyes and that there is something there. David says he had to watch the body painting and knew that Chris was winning some points, and David was jealous. Chris paints a closed-eyed Jennifer -- it looks like rainbow on her chest (I wonder where the pot o' gold is?) -- and then gives us the cheesiest line ever: he thinks he could be the guy to "unlock her heart." Okay, that's it. Get out! Fucker. He goes on that Jennifer needs to let go. He then gets in Jennifer's face and asks her how she feels about the whole situation. She sighs, and Chris says that he wants the adventurous girl on the videotape. She tells the pushy fucker that she wants to open up but just doesn't know how. Jennifer then says it's impressive that Chris is "open" and that it's something "most women dream of." Hee. "Most women," meaning "not me." But really, Chris is not open. He just pushes for her to admit shit, which means he's just emotionally manipulative, not open himself.

Now Chris walks Jennifer down the hall to take the bubble bath. Jennifer has serious camel toe in her outfit. David trails along, saying that he's jealous and that Jennifer looks beautiful, but he doesn't want to cheat and listen in too much. The bath. Chris continues to push, and now it's just irritating. He asks if Jennifer sees herself breaking down her barriers, and he wonders if she might be in New York (ah, she lives in NYC) and call Chris and ask him to come visit. What? You're supposed to be showing the girl a good time, not grilling her like an onion. David continues that he's going to let Chris dig his own hole. Jennifer tells Chris that she doesn't know why she holds back, and Chris baby-voices, "Ah, there's the runaway girl," and he whispers, "I wanna know. I wanna know. I wanna know. I wanna know." This is all such crap. Chris is a creep, and I'm glad it seems like at least Jennifer is starting to see what a chump he is. Chris then instructs us on life, that you have to risk getting hurt to find love and blah blah blah manipulation-cakes, and he then says that it is something he has to offer that David doesn't have. What is? God, I hate this. David then tells us that he won't underestimate Chris. Jennifer says that she'd prefer the Locksmith didn't come, because she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Then Chris says that he came to have fun and win some money, and now Jennifer has her hand on David's knee (she indeed does, we see) and David has the last word. David then tells us that Jennifer is drained, and he just wants to take her out to have some fun and make her smile; "she hasn't smiled in a long time," says David, and I realize that three days is in fact a lifetime in the hands of the right people. This show certainly seems to be lasting that long. Ah, commercials. Dear God, yes.

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Chains of Love




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