Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | Grade It Now!
Success! Sorta.

Chris, something caught in his throat, tells us that they are all sitting there as the polygraph guy is in a suit being all "Mr. Polygraph." We see that. Wade then tells us that his heart was "just pounding." Shots. Random shots. Blair Witch music. Mr. Polygraph, a stern-looking black guy, fiddles with some dials. Jennifer. Jennifer. David hooked up. Music again. Mr. Polygraph. Someone kick me in the balls. Jennifer now reads some of the questions as the hooked-up boys will answer. First is David. Jennifer asks if he thought her having slept with a married man was sleazy. David lies, "No." Clinton admits that he thinks Jennifer is sexually attracted to her, and then Wade admits he's paid for sex. Hee. Clinton says Jennifer is "high-maintenance," and Wade calls her "uptight" Mr. Polygraph smiles at this. The Dramatic Music of Non-Dramatic UPN Desperation Tactics is driving me up a wall. Chris croaks it for the prize money. Jennifer scowls. It's over. What a load of horseshit.

The restaurant. MM comes in smiling with the results. Everyone hates her. Wade is first. Wade was telling the truth when he said that Jennifer is uptight and that he paid for sex. All the boys laugh at this. Wade stutters, "It was my first night in Hollywood!" My first night in Hollywood I got drunk at a friend's house, ate McDonald's, and maybe cried a few times. But if I had to do it over again now…who knows. Now this is the worst: MM says that Clinton said he's the best-looking on the chain and then that this is "true." How is that then true? No, all it means is that Clinton indeed thinks he's the best-looking dude here. What crap. This show. Oy. MM then says that Clinton was lying, and that he has indeed lied to Jennifer during the show. Clinton acts shocked. MM acts smart. I act like I'm not suicidal. My cat doesn't bother acting anymore and has written on the window in dust, "Free cat. Please. Someone. Anyone." Now this also makes no sense, as Chris was lying both when he said that he's a "two-minute wonder" in the sack (this fucking show) and that he's in this only for the money. Why would he lie? Why should you all care? You shouldn't. Please read on. Now David. He lied when he said his main interest in Jennifer is not sex (it's probably money), and he also lied when he said that he didn't think Jennifer was sleazy to have slept with a married man. Thanks for the shocking revelation you already showed us. Finally, David was lying when he said his ultimate goal in going on a date is to get into a woman's pants. Everyone freaks out laughing. Why is that interesting? David says, "No. I don't think so." Whatever. New low point, right here. Shitty shitty shit.

Short bus. Jennifer says that she's very disappointed in the boys. Wade then tells us that he's more honest than the others, but he is from the South, so. Chris then says that David is sneaky and that he's obviously a bigger liar than he is. David then says that he wants Jennifer to trust him, but the liar detector fucks that up. Jennifer indeed says that she's bummed that David lied. Chris tells us that he's indeed not in this only for the money anymore, and that Jennifer has broken down some walls and obviously isn't a "dumb bimbo." Right, obviously.

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Chains of Love




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