Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: A- | 547 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Moron than off

Inside, they play the tape and watch it -- Jenny has headphones on so she doesn’t get to hear. Helen comes back, ready to tell further impressions of the boys from when she got to know them a bit better. She says that Kristian is a liar and she shouldn’t believe anything he says; he’s also stupid. Okay, Helen is at least a semi-smart girl, though she reads her lines about as well as MM, which is to say, not at all. Chris is boring, she says. Adam is “smart, witty, and funny,” says Helen. She goes on that he’d be perfect for Jenny and not to let him get away. Oh, sucks for Adam; Adam then tells us how pissed he is that Jenny didn’t get to see the tape. Then they all pretend to fake talk as, yes, the Locksmith shows up. Adam’s turn to act, as he turns almost to the camera, blinks a lot, and says, “Oh my god, this guy again,” he then motions with his thumb all hobo-hitching-a-ride. Jenny gives a Home Alone face to denote shock. Meanwhile, I slowly slide into shock. Thank god, commercials. The bad. The bad. All the bad. I can’t handle it anymore. Crass consumerism, take me away.

Will you hate me if I go see Animal? Yes? Oh, okay. I was just kidding, actually. And for a second I get mad that “Bargain” by The Who is being used for a Nissan commercial and then I remember, “Oh yeah, The Who selling out -- not a big shocker.”

Locksmith. Everyone has changed now. Jenny, looking like she’s been doing heroin for three days straight. She says that she really likes this person, but he didn’t participate, and it’s Chris. Chris looks a bit stunned, but he’s probably just realized he can make it home for Law & Order so, you know, that’s cool. Jenny unchains him and then gives him eight hundred dollars. She says, “I hope this helps with your unemployment.” Oh diz-zamn! Thass cold, sister. The Locksmith leads the skinny white boy away. Adam tells us that he thought Kristian would have been next. Kristian grunts to us that Chris didn’t stand up for himself.

Jenny tells us that Chris didn’t really want to say anything or tell a romantic story, and on the short bus we see Chris, but instead of talking, he’s just sitting there. Jenny keeps babbling about how Chris didn’t really even want to dance, and the Locksmith does a take to us, and Jenny says Chris didn’t even do anything to deserve the money, and back to Chris, who just stares with his arms folded, and that’s it. Man, it’s pretty funny that Chris chose to say nothing. But then again, maybe he talked and the producers simply chose to make it look like he said nothing. You never know with the crafty team behind such hits as Blind Date and…uh…yeah.

Chains of Love

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