John then tells us that he doesn’t know for sure that it was a game with Kim, but that’s what his gut “totally” tells him. Short bus. Kim says that she knew right away that she didn’t like John, and she goes on that she thinks she deserved more money. Ah. Yeah, no you didn’t, lady. “For the length of time that I was actually with him, I thought it was cheap.” Does she realize that is exactly what hookers say across this country every day? Oh yeah, she’s a Kiwi! I guess not. She goes on that John is a “smart cookie” and she thinks he could be playing Natalie. And then she’s gone. Bye, mate!

House. John, with Natalie in his lap, is babbling about him and Natalie having more similar backgrounds that the others, and then Natalie says she knew there was a connection from the beginning. John agrees. They say shit about no matter how much Gucci someone wears and what their accent sounds like, you don’t want to hang out with them, and suddenly it’s as if John is, like, talking to Janeane Garofalo instead of, no offense, but, uh, Natalie. They drink wine and kiss on the side of the mouth.

Pool. Now they get into the pool, and Natalie has her top off as they slide in. Yeah. Stripped once. John starts talking out of his ass to us, saying that Natalie is sweet and has a “curiosity about life.” Oh, c’mon, John. Life is short. Don’t waste our time. Just say, “I want very much to touch her pussy.” It’s easy and freeing, the truth. They kiss in the pool as Natalie says she would date John. They kiss more, and John says something about not being able to say no to her.

Bedroom. They get in bed, and they both keep voice-overing about liking the other, and then it’s night and we get the always-priceless pillow-talk:

Natalie: What a great date…
John: It did get cut short.
Natalie: That’s good in a way…we can spend the evening kissing…I’m happy you’re here…
John: You’re a great kisser.

One of the greatest romances of our time. John and Natalie. I weep through the commercials, certain I’ll never know a love like theirs.

Morning. The alarm. They brush their teeth. Natalie again says she feels a connection. They pack as MM voice-overs about if John wants to pursue a blah blah bloo. They eat breakfast, and John voice-overs about the erotic nature of last night. Natalie says John showed his sexual side. I’m hungry and have to go shopping soon. I also need to pay rent and I have to call Mom. And man, that plant doesn’t look like it’s doing so well. I really should water it. Oh, sorry. I got distracted. Right. Chains of Love. Very well, then.