New girl. She says she likes to win. John tells us that “a bit” of intelligence is good. Just a bit, though. Wouldn’t want anyone who could beat you at the New York Times crossword puzzle now, would you. The girl says that being “worldly” is important, and we hear she has a really crappy accent. Oh, she’s from New Zealand. Well, there you go. She breaks her back, she tries to stick her A-cups out so far, and we learn that her name is Kim and she’s a “Cultured Kiwi.” Her quote: “Men can’t resist my accent.” Yeah, can’t resist closing their eyes and pretending they’re fucking Nicole Kidman when they’re with you. She tells us that she’ll use her looks to get her stuff -- uh, okay -- and that her man has to be “sarcastically witty.” Ooh! Ooh! Kim! Over here! At the house, Kim and Natalie check out each other’s titties.
Short bus. Poem. “A growling prance. A high pehrcing song. The dance of a black pantha.” Wow, Kim’s accent sucks.
New girl. She plays something with one hand on the piano, holding a teddy bear with the other. Run now, John. She tells us she doesn’t know what the guy will look like, so she’s just going to play it cool. John tells us, “A date who’s really gorgeous and really funny is totally fine.” Uh, maybe John shouldn’t insist the girl be that smart after all. The girl says she’s fun, outgoing, but pretty “whacked.” Hey, just like Big Pussy. Speaking of Big Pussy, the tall girl is named Danielle, and she’s a “Poised Painter.” Boo. Terrible, this writing staff. Her quote: “I’m a great kisser. That says it all.” What does that say? That you give good head? She says she gets along better with men than women and doesn’t know why women hate her, and then she pets her pussy (a cat) while she says that she’s been called a big flirt even towards women but it’s just being her tee hee! Yeah, I have no idea why other women despise you. The three girls shake hands.
Short bus. Poem. “I’m soft and furry and I love to run free. Look deep in my eyes you will love what you see.” John doesn’t.
New girl. Wow. Okay, it’s an Asian girl with huge fake titties dressed like a call girl. John says he likes ethnic girls. She says she’s Asian and stands out. She’s Jeannie and is an “Exotic Perfectionist.” Her quote is, “I’m the best. Who wouldn’t want that?” Well, at least this week they didn’t make anyone say they are the “whole package.” I was going to kick my TV off its stand if someone said that. Jeannie would like her guy to be financially secure; it’s “one less thing to worry about.” Looks like the last guy she dated paid for her to have two less things to worry about. She says that she hates when guys expect her to put out. Yes. I’m sure. Jeannie arrives, and the three other girls all give her the stink-eye.