Chains of Love

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Stee: B- | Grade It Now!
Free from the Chains

Outside on a deck, the four girls talk about the weather as John shows up on balcony above. This time he makes the girls come up to him, which is funny, and introductions are made.

Distant bell. Ritual room. Chaining ceremony. MM, having gotten no smoother at all at reading her cue cards over the run of the show, gives the rules again. Locksmith. I hope he’s washed those gloves and overcoat. John picks Danielle and Natalie’s poems as the slightly less god-awful of the four and they are chained at John’s sides. Chaining montage. Chaining montage. Slo-mo shots. Time for a nap already.

The kids explore the house in chains. Jeannie almost topples over from the weight of her titties. John babbles about how it’s going to be interesting being chained and whatever. Who cares. Someone says they can take baths. MM mentions sooner than earlier -- I guess people have been writing, wondering when they poo -- that the kids will all have private bathroom time throughout the day. The kids quickly get in the short bus and head out -- to go do something stupid, I’m sure.

Short bus. John asks what their last boyfriend’s nickname for them was. Natalie says, “Bitch,” and everyone cracks up like it’s 1964 and Don Rickles is playing the Flamingo. They all walk into a brewery, and John suddenly sounds just like Alan Thicke, which I find quite disconcerting for a variety of reasons.

Shots of people staring. It’s still not funny, but at least there’s no dog this time. John busts out with papers and he explains that the girls were all shown tape on six girls (including these four) and made to write their thoughts on them, and now he’s going to read what they wrote. Ooh, saucy. Kim said that Natalie is not too sexy but is competition. Jeannie is too made-up and not sexy. She calls her “hard.” No, talk about her in general, not just the texture of her breasts. Danielle complimented Kim and loved the accent. Hate her. The Music Of Imminent Dissing comes as John reads that Kim said Danielle has too much make-up and isn’t any competition. Natalie’s thoughts now. She liked Danielle and thought she was competition. Natalie said that Jeannie is “blah.” Jeannie in turn was nice to everyone. Jeannie looks like she’s going to cry as John reads that Jeannie didn’t think anyone should judge others. Jeannie then tells us that she brushed it off, but really it was a “slap in the face.” A slap in the face -- wow, I’m impressed she still has any feeling left there after all the work it looks like she’s had done.

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Chains of Love




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