House. The kids eat breakfast and babble about Danielle’s leaving. Whatever. John shuts up during this. He tells us that Kim is now being more active during conversation.
Short bus. John asks the girls if a guy they just started dating bought them tons of shit, would they be okay with it. Everyone thinks that would be fine with them. Jeannie loves the money, you can tell. She told us as much already. John then tells us he was disappointed that all the girls seemed materialistic. No! Materialistic women in L.A.! Wise up, John. You ain’t in wherever anymore.
Fishing boat. The kids go on a three-hour tour. John says he likes Kim the best right now. He also justifies, saying he kept Jeannie (big titties) because yesterday they uncovered (big titties) a lot of depth (big titties), and she’s more interesting to him (big titties) right now. He says an edited-to-shit sentence about how now it’s about who he’s more “conversant” with, as opposed to “kissy-kissy.” On the boat, he gives the girls a pop quiz. Oh, this should be good. The quiz is lifted shamefully straight from one they give strippers and Tori Spelling on The Howard Stern Show, but that’s UPN. Stealing = good. He asks the “Which is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks” question. Natalie says, “Bricks.” Hee. “Sorry,” says Natalie. No one knows the vice president. The girls keep fucking up. Man. No one knows who wrote War and Peace or how many months have twenty-eight days (all of them). God, I don’t want to say these women are stupid, but -- these women are fucking stupid. I wouldn’t trust them to do the TV Guide crossword with a pen, I’ll tell you that much. Jeannie barely wins. John says the girls all missed questions “that you would want to know.” Kim says, “I only got four. Oops. Woo-woo. Call me dumb.” Okay, you’re dumb.
Jeannie then gets seasick as the kids fish. She pukes in the bathroom. John says that at least she made it to the toilet, but it took her away for a critical time. She revives and does some fishing. Natalie catches a fish. Then we see a boat coming. It’s the Locksmith, standing at the front all “I’m the fat of the world!” “Uh-oh,” says John, thankfully not even trying this time. Commercials. Bye Jeannie.
We’re back, and as the Locksmith approaches on his boat, I see a graphic on the corner of my screen that says, “2 Hour Series Finale. Wednesday.” I freak the fuck out until I rewind and discover it’s for Star Trek: Voyager. Man, I was going to have to hurt someone for a minute there.