The beach. Some rocky, craggy, terrible beach. A high-school drama crew has erected a five-by-five hut on a old medical-waste dumping ground. A production company temp in a sarong gives Tomas and Jane drinks and welcomes them to paradise, then leads Tammy on her longer chain away from the ghetto hut. Hee: to complete the paradise effect, there is a little sign stuck in the sand that reads, Paradise. Fucking hell, this show is cheap. My weekly Skittles budget is larger than the shows. Jane and Tomas strip down to their bathing suits as Jane dumb-overs that shes playing the game but shes also? Getting to know Tomas? As a person? She wears two pieces of Glide floss as a suit. Tomas tells us that immediately they [made] up for lost time. And thats the terrible thing; I will never get this lost time back. At the end of my life, I will have logged a few months total of watching bad reality television. Months I could have been loving someone or going on a trip or learning a new language. Thats the tragedy right there. Tomas and Jane sun themselves as Tomas babbles on about how the more things two people have in common, the better for their relationship. Oprah, heres your new Dr. Phil right here. Genius. Tomas then segues into saying hes become more attracted to Jane now that he can see her labia. No, he says that now they have discovered they have common ground. Tammy then says something I dont understand about how there was no substance to Tomas and Janes conversation (that part I understand, believe me), but then she says she wanted to whip out a violin and go back and forth. Chalk it up to sunstroke. Or, well, yeah, the fact that shes very very stupid. We get a shot of them holding hands on the beach, then sitting by the water. Jane tells us that the date was good, and they both recount the fact that Jane looks like some chick who dumped Tomas. We get it. Why do you not get that we dont care? As they hold hands and look out at the water, the cameraman pretty much just sticks the lens inside Jane's ass. Jane tells us that she hopes she doesnt hurt him as his previous chick did.
Chains of Love
Episode Report CardStee: A- | 516 USERS: C+
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Chains of Love