Tomas stands between the girls, and he gives them each ten seconds to make their case. Jane says that they connected and she wants the chance to see if blah bleh bloo. Tammy continues her stellar acting-class work by whispering, “Tomas, my heart hurts right now.” That right there is the best line Chains of Love will ever produce. Thanks, Tammy. You should really kill yourself now, you know that. Anyway, she continues, “And I really don’t want to let it end on this note. And I just wanna be with you one last night.” Tomas takes a deep breath. He says that when he first saw this person he thought…oh fuck it. Who cares. He lets Tammy go. She nods and he lets her go. His hands are shaking from the sheer Latin passion running through his veins. He gives her two thousand dollars to help pay off her grad-school debt. Pamie calls me, having watched the show, and gets angry all over again when I tell her that I’m recapping Chains. “Tomas is such a fuckwad,” she says. “I’ve never said that word before in my life, but that’s exactly what he is.”