Tomas tells us that he’s not looking for a one-night stand and that he’s a romantic. “Weird doesn’t excite me,” he says. Well, I already find him weird and he doesn’t excite me, so I guess we agree on that point. He holds a Frisbee (or just a regular flying disc, not necessary made by the fine folks at Frisbee, Inc.) up for his dog, who is a total spaz and who jumps and misses and makes me spit Skittles I’m laughing so hard. Then Tomas throws the flying disc, and his dog runs, and you can tell he’s about to totally miss it so they cut away. Man, even his dog is a dork.

We meet the first girl, who says that she’s going to do her own thing and if it gets in somebody’s way, too bad. Tomas then tells us that he likes someone to stay in shape and that he’s “all for that.” Tool. So we meet the shaking woman, who looks like Margot Kidder hiding in the bushes. She says that she loves sports, and we see that her name is Shannon and she’s a “Fun-Loving Party Girl.” Her quote: “I’m the antidote to boredom.” She tells us she’s “outgoing” and “fun” and “crazy sometimes.” (Won’t that prove to be true.) I think she’s drunk while she’s talking. She says, “I can go eat chicken wings and drink beer. I’ll do that. I’m a party girl.” I can also crouch naked in the corner talking to my dead aunt and painting on the walls with my own feces.

Tomas gets in the short bus, and this week they have him look at Polaroids the girls took of their “favorite body part” in order to help him make a choice. He comments about someone’s leg.

House. Short girl. She voice-overs that she’ll be nice to people, but she expects that her patience will be tested. My club. Join it. Tomas then tells us that his past relationships have involved successful women. Shorty then tells us that at work she’s very focused and career-driven. She bikes down Venice beach, and we see that she is Tammy. “Athletic & Competitive.” Her quote: “Intelligence and intensity: I’m the whole package.” Okay, Tammy is pretty cute and looks a bit like Neve Campbell. But don’t hold it against her. I’m sure there will be plenty of actual reasons to hate her. She says she likes to have fun and she has good morals and she can “hold [her] own financially.” At the house, Tammy and Shannon shake hands warily. They eye each other. Low growls. Claws do come out, but they quickly retract. Butt-sniffing continues.