Did you see The Mummy Returns this past weekend? You did? I want you to go to your room and think about what you’ve done. Seriously. What’s wrong with you?

Tomas talks to us, telling us that Jane is superficial and not his type; he says she reminds him of an ex who hurt him. Alma, he says, was scared when she arrived, and it made him want to take care of her. He says that Tammy is his type and he thinks she’ll last until the end. He says Shannon wants to spar and “jest” and that she’s the “wild one.” He gets this insane look in his eye and tells us, “They’re all beautiful women.” Yes, they are. Now go to church or something and leave me alone.

The kids all get in the short bus and head off together to be seen in public. They head to a pool bar, and we get lots of crap-ass shots of drunks in the bar staring, and without the controlled lighting of the house, we really see just how shitty the quality of this video is. It’s like one tiny step above Blind Date. Like they bought a three-hundred-dollar lens for this show instead of a two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar one. In the bar, the game has been set up as a Truth or Dare thing. Gay. So very gay. Everyone screams in “look-how-naughty-we-are”-ness as Shannon is forced to spank Jane and say, “Bad dog. Bad dog.” Even Tomas looks scared by Shannon’s overzealous spanking. Tomas now has to talk about the worst way he’s been dumped, and he tells a lame-ass story about going to a woman he thought was perfect for him to ask her to marry him, only to find out that she was already married. Personally, I think you should at least be in the person’s life who you want to marry enough to know if they’ve recently gotten hitched or not. But that’s just me. I’m “quirky” like that.