Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
As Latin as my Aunt Ethel

Edward James Olmos: Look, Esse. You better stop claiming you’re Latin.
Jimmy Smits: Or we’ll kick the shit out of you, hombre.
Tomas: But Christina Aguilera claims she’s Latin!
Edward James Olmos: Bitch is next.
Jimmy Smits: This is your only warning. Then bad bad things will happen. Got it?
Tomas: Got it.
Edward James Olmos: Oh, by the way. If you’re interested. I’m teaching acting at the Brentwood Playhouse now. Come audit a class.

Anyway, morning. Alarm. MM tells us that it’s the final day and only Jane remains and Tomas soon has to make his toughest choice. The Locksmith arrives, and Tomas and Jane stand on the balcony, looking at the view. They both voice-over mutual admiration, which no one cares about.

Distant Bell. They are summoned. MM takes a deep breath and tries to remember her line. MM is really the most incompetent speaker I’ve ever seen. “And so…” she begins, nodding her head like she’s acting out the words. Terrible. She makes Mark L. Walberg look like Walter Cronkite. Tomas releases Jane from the chains and then babbles. He tells her that when he first met her, he had preconceived notions which had to do with a “past hurt,” and then he decided to give her a chance and realized how much they have in common, so he’d “absolutely” like to pursue a relationship. He gives Jane half the remaining money, which she will use for a nipple lift. We see Jane packing as MM continues to drone her lines about Jane or the Locksmith being waiting for him in the courtyard.

Tomas unpacks, voice-overing that Jane has a presence (read: fake titties and an IQ of 70) and that he suspects he has a “spiritual connection” with her. Can anyone explain what that even means? Lord. Jane sluts that she saw a different side of Tomas, and that she’s trying to keep an open mind because you never know where something might go. Tomas tells us, with total confidence, that Jane is not in it for the money, as he climbs the stairs to the courtyard.

Courtyard. He walks out. Looks around. Nothing. Ha! Then the Locksmith appears from behind an archway. Ooh, diss! No she di’n’t! Tomas sees him. He sighs. The Locksmith approaches him like he’s gonna bend Tomas over the fountain and claim him as his property, but instead he leads Tomas away by the arm.

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Chains of Love




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