Chains of Love

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
As Latin as my Aunt Ethel

Bedroom. The kids get in bed. Tomas tells us, “What man sleeping in a bed with four women would not think of the sexual element?” Paul Lynde. Paul Lynde would not have thought of the sexual element. He would have wondered who had the best PJs. Tomas says that it seems like a perfect recipe for disaster. The lights go out. Infrared cam. Tomas tells someone (Tammy?) that she’s on top of him and he really needs some space to sleep. Then for some reason, even though she’s two people away from him on the chain, it seems as if it’s Shannon, because they continue to argue and then Tomas tells us that what happened last night with Shannon was that “she freaked out.” So now the show gets good. For once. (Don’t congratulate yourselves yet, producers. For once the show gets good.) Shannon flips on the light and begins leaning over Tammy, drunkenly yelling at Tomas. The other girls remain quiet, some still trying to sleep, or at least not to get hit by the now-clearly-absolutely-insane Shannon. (Come to think of it, casting a known drunk/psycho would be a good idea for a reality show like this.) Shannon yells, “You’re not going to go to bed tonight. You want to know why? Because you have a big (beep) problem, buddy. You think you know who you are…” Then she starts really swearing and babbling even more, talking some shit about Tomas waxing his chest and having a “butch haircut.” She then calls him a “geek.” Tomas counters strongly by telling Shannon that she’s in it for the money. Ooooooh, what a diss! Saying Shannon only came on the show for money. Thass just fucked up right there. Tomas just keeps on saying, “Money!” and telling her that she’s not being honest and that everything she says is fake. Shannon leans in closer and says something else and then she tells the girls “good night” and Tomas says, “Give it a rest.” Man, that’s some quality television right there. I’ll bet it’s even better than the episode-two sex tape that’s floating around.

Morning. The alarm goes off. MM tells us that the gang has a hard time getting up. They are released one by one for the bathroom, and then in the kitchen they all eat, and it’s very tense, and Alma is just laughing because at least she now knows she won’t be the very first to go. Tammy asks how long they were up fighting, and Tomas says it was 3:30 am. Shannon says, “Sorry for flipping out, but...” and trails off. Alma tells us that she didn’t know if they were going to fight or start having sex. “It was a little scary,” she says. Then Jane sluts that she also didn’t know if Shannon was going to “deck” Tomas or “start making out with him.” Shannon, in the kitchen, then apologizes for saying nasty things. Tammy tears into a bagel, smiling victoriously. Tomas then tells us that he can forgive, but he doesn’t have to forget. They end the scene with a shot of a rum bottle.

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Chains of Love




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