Reaper
Charged

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Charged

Sam wakes up before work, rolling over and smacking his head on this week's vessel box. Despite the zen "I have purpose in life now" vibe he put out last week, he's miffed that he is now a schmuck with two crappy jobs. I suppose I can empathize with Sam's Sisyphean dilemma, but he is beholden to Satan after all. So, to Sam I say, "Quit yer yappin' and get to it!" But these words are unheeded on Reaper, because that advice would eliminate, like, 46 minutes of existential moaning, perhaps even advance the plot a little, and we can't have that in these here parts. No sir. So Sam starts opening the box, then wusses out.

Enter Sam's BFF Bert "Jack Black Lite" Wysocki. The two debate the subtle distinction between a minion of Satan (Sam) and one of his subjects (in this case, Linda Blair in The Exorcist). As the scene ends, we discover Sam's Secret Talent of the Week -- namely, that he's carrying an electromagnetic charge. This means he gets one heck of a shock whenever he touches metal. In honor of Pee-Wee Herman's Secret Word of the Day, I propose that, every time Sam idiotically walks into a "shocking" sight gag, everybody SCREEEEAM!

As they drive to work in the '92 Taurus station wagon, JBL asks Sam why he doesn't want to know what's in the box. He points out that Sam has finally found something he's good at. Sam counters that he's "good at stuff," but the list is pitiably short. JBL tells him to open the box. Sam says he left it at home, but now it's magically appeared on his back seat. They head to the woods to dump the vessel. The whole affair is, of course, unamusing, unsuccessful, and unfortunately laced with JBL's mildly homophobic patter. They reach The Bench, where they peek into the backseat and see that the box is not there. Then, in a gag I saw coming approximately 12 miles away, Sam steps out of the car and trips over the box.

Later, Sam, JBL, and their Latin coworker Ben walk together. Ben highlights the obvious -- Sam is an idiot for trying to resist Satan. Suddenly, the lights go out. Sam catches a glimpse of his reflection, and a skull briefly flashes over his face. The mildly spooky occurrence is spat upon when JBL says something stupid.

In the employees' lounge, Sam checks his weekly work assignment. His crush Andi sneaks up behind him and finds that she, too, is on cart duty. The gig entails roving the neighborhood in search of errant shopping carts. Is this really a job? She says it's her favorite rotation because it's basically an excuse to goof off all day, then return at shift's end with a cart. Sam wonders how she always finds a cart, and Andi reveals that she keeps at least three carts in her mom's back yard. Ladies and gentlemen, she's crafty. With that, Andi anticipates a fun week, since they'll essentially be dating every day instead of working.

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Reaper

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