A Call To Arms

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
A Call To Many Crappy Arm-Like Digital Inserts Of Discontent

Attic. Raige's Moustache has instantly found the relevant entry in the Book, and it goes a little something like this (punctuation abuse theirs, of course):

Shakti, the Hindu Goddess of Creation and Shiva, the God of Destruction are commonly invoked at weddings because they're considered to be the Ultimate Lovers.
Shakti, also called the Ultimate Mother, and Shiva, together created All Things, and if they consummate their love again, All Things will be obliterated and the universe will be reborn.

Bummer. ["'Considered to be'? Christ." -- Sars] Bright side? I don't have to recap the scene that follows, because Phoebe and Raige's Moustache basically rehash everything I just typed out above. No, seriously. They just read the entry to each other without even attempting to explain why Piper and the Dolt were possessed or what that possession implies or what the possible ramifications of that possession are, aside from, you know, the world actually ending should the possessed decide to inflict yet another round of Dolt Sex upon the unsuspecting audience. Oh, there is one thing: Apparently, from the entry above, Raige's Moustache has gleaned the fact that anyone who gets too close to Piper and the Dolt will instantly go into heat. So, what does Phoebe do?

Race downstairs to wrestle them apart, of course! How convenient! Though you have to wonder what that same exposure is doing to their poor kids. You also have to wonder what harebrained, half-witted, crack-smoking asshole came up with that particular plot point without considering its effect on the Psycho and Tiny Gay Chris. Oh, that's right: Brad Kern was the harebrained, half-witted, crack-smoking asshole who came up with that particular plot point without considering its full effect! Ain't he always the one? Anyway, Phoebe and Raige's Moustache fill Piper and the Dolt in on the whole annihilation-of-the-universe thing. The Dolt's upset, not because he's possessed by the more destructive half of a pair of ancient Hindu gods, but rather because he's "never felt more potent" in his life, and he's saying that just because he wants to torture me even more by forcing me to imagine a turgid Little Dolt pressing against the leg of his pants. I am not going to survive this episode, am I? ["Not if I have to proofread the phrase 'turgid Little Dolt' EVER AGAIN, you aren't. I MEAN MY GOD." -- Sars] Phoebe and Raige's Moustache suggest that the Dolt take his potency out on Barbas, and now I'm getting the mental image of those two going at it, and seriously. Death would be a sweet release at this point. In any event, the Dolt obligingly exits in a sporking column of electricity, leaving Piper alone to escort her many crappy arm-like digital inserts over to a chair, where she collapses to fan her overheated self while Phoebe and Raige's Moustache strategize. Raige's Moustache is to orb over to Not!warts with the kids, both to ensure the kids' safety and to research solutions for their current predicament. Piper most strenuously objects to Tiny Gay Chris leaving her sight, so Raige's Moustache prepares to exit with the Psycho alone. Phoebe, meanwhile, heads off to the office to fuck her replacement. That should help.

Hell. Boring! Barbas has gathered a gaggle of dark demonic sorts in the healer's former lair to plot the death of the Glamorous Ladies and all who consort with them. There's absolutely zero of interest in this scene. Trust me. All you need to know is that Barbas plans to conquer the gals by abducting Tiny Gay Chris. Just go with it. Oh, almost forgot: The Head "cloaked" the healer's lair so the Dolt couldn't track Barbas, but that doesn't really matter, because the Head uncloaks same in about twenty minutes so Phoebe and Raige can vanquish the almighty ham. Again. Some more.

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