I've seen some gruesome fashion crimes on this show, but nothing on this scale. You know that scene in last week's Band of Brothers, where the little Italian guy stumbles across the concentration camp? And in the aftermath of the discovery, he comes across the Irish replacement soldier he'd been razzing earlier? And the Irish guy is just sitting dazed and shocked into silence on the ground? And the little Italian guy gets a look at what's derailed the Irish guy so badly, sapping his will to go on? Imagine that as a blouse. It beggars description. The color of dried Pepto-Bismol, it features an aggressive flourish of ruffles that looks like a marauding pack of anemones has risen from the sea to attack Rose McGowan's bosom, shoulders, and neck. It's hideous. It's deeply disturbing. It's Charo. Raige and the Slampiece are talking, but I've been struck deaf, if that's possible. At some point, Slampiece Glenn starts macking on her again, and I'm grateful, because if Raige caves and takes a Sex Day, she'll remove the horror from my sight.
At some later point -- I'm not really sure, because time seems to have stopped in that way it does during events so traumatic in scale that one wonders if the world is coming to an end -- at some later point, the camera cuts to the hallway outside Raige's apartment. Piper and Phoebe trundle over to Raige's door. Phoebe's hair is doing that Mrs. Lovett thing again, and I involuntarily scan the scene for cannibal meat pies. The Dolt orbs in to prevent them from entering. In what is actually a terribly cute scene, the Dolt first tries to get Piper and Phoebe to leave, then eventually stammers out something about the lady of the house being "indisposed" at the moment. Phoebe, idiot that she was, is, and will continue to be, doesn't get it. Realization is left to dawn on Piper's face instead. "You watch?" she gasps incredulously. "I didn't see anything!" splutters the Dolt. Piper raises an eyebrow. "Okay, just a little! But how else am I going to protect her!" Piper takes a moment to stare into the middle distance while storing this information for future retributive purposes as Phoebe whips her dim little head back and forth between Piper and the Dolt. Snicker.