BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. Road Kill enters and sniffs the air. Raige is currently preoccupied with the Xerox machine -- again -- but her Spidey sense kicks in to notify her of Road Kill's presence in the main office area. Road Kill rudely pushes aside Raige's coworkers as Raige's coworkers peas-and-carrots about the lunkhead in the chain mail rather than calling security on his ass. As Road Kill spots Raige, The Flute Of Titanic Annoyance enters to give me an Indian burn. Raige drags Road Kill into the copier room to tell him to bug off. He insists that he will not leave "until [she] is with child." There are noises about Raige playing it safe every time and how Road Kill needs to keep his sword sheathed before Raige backs into the Xerox machine. Road Kill promises never to harm her; then we get a Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity as Crappy CGI Guy leaps from the machine to menace her, if what Crappy CGI Guy does could be called "menacing." He bounds to the floor and starts to strangle Raige. Road Kill draws his sword and slices Crappy CGI Guy in half. Crappy CGI Guy zips back into a light socket. No, I don't know why Phoebe gets electrocuted when she sticks her foot in the Guy's head, while Road Kill emerges from the encounter with his highly-conductive person and weapon unscathed. Stop asking me these questions. Raige swoons. The Flute Of Titanic Annoyance has given up on the Indian burn and is now punching me repeatedly in the arm. Road Kill helps her to her feet. Raige is suddenly and inexplicably love-struck. They make gooey eyes at each other as Raige's boss enters the room with a couple of security guards. Raige passes Road Kill off as a "Renaissance Fair" representative who came to see her about some complimentary tickets she'd been trying to score for an orphanage. Taking orphans to a Renaissance Fair? That's adding insult to injury. I told you it was the black hole of social services. Raige grabs Road Kill's hand and bolts.
Attic. Piper lights a few candles while Phoebe reads the entry on the Eeevil Enchantress. She comes across the phrases "defiant, clever, and independent" and "witch who came to the craft late and learned to use it quickly" and makes the connection to Raige herself. Piper's not following Phoebe's reasoning. Phoebe spells it out for her: The fairy tale Raige composed in her childhood is actually in the Book, and Road Kill suddenly appears from the twelfth century intent on ensuring that Raige remains barefoot and pregnant for the rest of her life. Could it be Raige had an Eeevil past life much as Phoebe did in "Pardon My Past"? Well, given that the last half hour contained four scenes featuring Pre-Raige, I'd find this at the very least highly likely, so could you move this along? Piper remains skeptical, because Pre-Raige's powers involved harnessing the elements. Piper, honey. Did your brain slide out of your ear at some point this evening? Didn't Phoebe's past iteration have the ability to fling fireballs or something, even though her current iteration possesses nothing close to that? Anyway, time for the second Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity in as many scenes as a swirling portal opens in the attic wall. Pre-Raige emerges to whip her hands at Phoebe and Piper. A quick burst of wind flings them both across the floor. Despite the fact that Pre-Raige wears a jade green satin gown with an empire waist under a forest green velour cape and her hair trails halfway down her back, Piper's first word is an outraged "Paige!" Piper's normally quicker on the uptake. I think they're trying to make Phoebe look smart for a change, but it isn't working. They're both coming across as dingbats. Pre-Raige commands them to return Road Kill. They reply by darting out of the attic. Pre-Raige shoots arrows of fire from her hands, setting an antique dollhouse ablaze, then strides out of the frame into commercial.