Meanwhile, back in the alleyway, Piper frets that she'll travel too far into the past. The Dolt suggests she keep track of time using her watch. Which for some reason will be affected by passage through the ripple, even though Piper herself won't regress in age. Don't ask. We're almost done with this damn episode, okay? Piper stumbles upon the squiggly portal just as Future Bacarra blinks into the alleyway. The Dolt tackles him to the ground, shouting all the while for Piper to step through the supernatural doorway. She does so, and turns around to witness the events we've just seen reverse themselves. Piper checks her watch. As the hands spin backwards to one o'clock the previous afternoon, Phoebe's deadly interference with fate plays itself out in reverse. Piper waits until all the principals have sped backwards out of the scene, then steps onto the pavement outside of the portal. None of the passing extras seems to notice the strange woman who just walked out of the wall. Piper glances around for a moment, then takes off towards Gonzo's office building.
Piper hits the walk opposite The Chinless Wonder's place of employment and watches Phoebe's afghan-clad ass skitter through the front doors. That afghan, man. Jesus. When the delivery van blocks Present Piper's Jeep, Future Piper charges across the street and slides into the passenger seat to speed-talk her way through the relevant facts, which basically boil down to, "If Gonzo doesn't bite it, Phoebe and Raige will." Present Piper is duly outraged. Future Piper tells herself to cram it, and snits, "Look, don't argue with me, okay? Just let [Gonzo] die!" She furiously pinches Present Piper's arm, then drops the shoulder of her jacket to display the resulting bruise. But how would the bruise appear on Future Piper's arm if she...oh, fuck it. Future Piper's final instruction is, "When Phoebe asks, 'Left or right?' go to the right, and when this is all over, just let Phoebe know it was meant to be, okay?" Present Piper gapes. Future Piper pauses to add, "The next time she falls for a guy, do not stand in her way," then disappears from the Jeep. Present Piper pouts, "Hey! I'm not standing in her way!" Snerk.
Phoebe emerges from the office building, and the subsequent events unfold much as before, wailing sirens and straining jogging bras and all. However, this time around and after a moment's hesitation, Piper follows her future self's advice, steering Phoebe off to the right once they reach the intersection. "God help me," Piper murmurs before chasing off after her hideously-coiffed sister's afghan-clad ass. Halfway down the block, Phoebe spots the squad cars barreling in the opposite direction and takes off after them. Fortunately, traffic prevents her from crossing the street. Off-screen, My New Gangbanging Husband squeezes off a couple of rounds. The camera cuts to the sun-drenched alleyway, where The Chinless Wonder takes a couple of rounds in his chest. The shot shifts into slow motion as Gonzo's lifeless head slams into the asphalt, a thin trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth as his googly eyes glaze over. Hee! God, I hope Jessica caught this episode. Anyway, Phoebe rushes to Gonzo's side and cradles his dead head in her arms as Present Piper gets a little emotional. The shot slides back into real time as Present Piper glances through welling tears over to her future self, who has silently entered the alleyway amid the confusion. Future Piper nods her head sadly and dematerializes in a golden glow. Meanwhile, Phoebe drips snot all over Gonzo's rapidly cooling corpse while My New Gangbanging Husband and I address invitations to our commitment ceremony. The Chinless Wonder is dead! Hooray!