The promo for the WB's presentation of The Wizard Of Oz is as misleading as the network's promotions for its regular programming. Nice to know they're consistent, I suppose. Though what is with that contemporary ovary wailing over the clips from the film? Are they trying to evoke that Oz-Dark Side Of The Moon stoner fad from a few years back? If so, Freevibe.com is going to be pissed.
Attic. The Dolt has joined Piper and Raige as the Manor Ps whinge and moan about the purloined Book of Shadows. The Dolt assures them that everything will work out for the best, as long as they stick together. Thanks for nothing, Dolt.
Aerie Of The Gonzo. Oh, ew. Gonzo's bed is surrounded by twee, neon-accented flats of Deco skyscrapers. Why is he not dead yet? Phoebe restlessly tosses and turns for a while, then wraps herself in a sheet and tiptoes out into the living room. "Okay, I know you're here," she addresses the room, "so you might as well just come out." A CD storage rack morphs into Cole. He apologies for masquerading as a piece of furniture to spy on her, but she must understand that he has her best interests at heart. Phoebe tells him to blow it out his still-tantalizing derriere as her cell phone bleeps on a nearby table. It's Raige, ordering Phoebe back to the Manor to deal with the purloined Book of Shadows. Cole vows to protect Gonzo while Phoebe's gone. Phoebe instructs Raige to orb over to Gonzo's Aerie, then reluctantly agrees to leave The Chinless Wonder in Cole's care.
Shabby-Genteel One-Bedroom Of Imminent Sucking Chest Wounds. The two Bacarras, consulting the "To Disempower A Witch" spell in the Book, prepare various potion ingredients at a table. Present B notes that the spell requires "a fresh human heart." No, boys. It requires three. I don't know why I bother. Future B's all, "Not a problem," and kneels at the unfortunate comatose witch's side. She awakens to gasp and choke on her own blood as Future B, off-screen, claws his hand into her chest to retrieve her heart. Future B grins. Evilly.
Manor parlor. The Dolt explains that whenever a given force blocks a destined event, a ripple opens through time. Future Bacarra jumped into this particular ripple to travel back to the moment Phoebe interfered with the preordained death of Gonzo. Phoebe continues to refute the notion that Death is stalking her dork of a boyfriend. Bonehead. Meanwhile, Piper and Raige glumly insist that without the Book of Shadows, they should all be measured for coffins. The Dolt attempts to uplift their spirits with a stirring pep talk I believe he stole from Patton, which is quite the coincidence given Bacarra's passing physical resemblance to George C. Scott's son. Piper tells the Dolt to shut up. I'd encourage her with something affirming like "Preach it, sister girl! You go!" but this scene is so soul-suckingly dull, I've found I can barely lift my head from the carpet, much less scream things at the hideously attired midgets prancing through my television set. The Glamorous Ladies bang their heads together and decide to "change [their] tactics" by battling the two Bs with "new potions [and] new spells -- stuff [they've] never seen before." Woo hoo, I suppose. Could you ladies move it along, please? My New Gangbanging Husband needs to fulfill his goddamn destiny already.