A Witch In Time

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | Grade It Now!
A witch in time...

Phoebe emerges from the office building, and the subsequent events unfold much as before, wailing sirens and straining jogging bras and all. However, this time around and after a moment's hesitation, Piper follows her future self's advice, steering Phoebe off to the right once they reach the intersection. "God help me," Piper murmurs before chasing off after her hideously-coiffed sister's afghan-clad ass. Halfway down the block, Phoebe spots the squad cars barreling in the opposite direction and takes off after them. Fortunately, traffic prevents her from crossing the street. Off-screen, My New Gangbanging Husband squeezes off a couple of rounds. The camera cuts to the sun-drenched alleyway, where The Chinless Wonder takes a couple of rounds in his chest. The shot shifts into slow motion as Gonzo's lifeless head slams into the asphalt, a thin trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth as his googly eyes glaze over. Hee! God, I hope Jessica caught this episode. Anyway, Phoebe rushes to Gonzo's side and cradles his dead head in her arms as Present Piper gets a little emotional. The shot slides back into real time as Present Piper glances through welling tears over to her future self, who has silently entered the alleyway amid the confusion. Future Piper nods her head sadly and dematerializes in a golden glow. Meanwhile, Phoebe drips snot all over Gonzo's rapidly cooling corpse while My New Gangbanging Husband and I address invitations to our commitment ceremony. The Chinless Wonder is dead! Hooray!

Manor, that evening. Piper and Raige ease themselves into the Bimbo Boudoir bearing solemn faces and plates of comfort food, only to find Short Attention Span Phoebe jamming away in front of her mirror with a Walkman glued to her ears. So much for those silly stages of grief, right? This woman has the brain of a gnat. And the Lessons Of The Week? No lesson for Raige, because Slampiece Max took care of her issues in the pre-credits sequence. Phoebe acknowledges that Gonzo was indeed little more than a rebound romance, and she promises to live in the now from here on out, or something. Piper vows never to interfere with Phoebe's romances again. Raige raises a suspicious brow. "Piper, is there something you know that we don't know?" "Let's just say," Piper allows, "that I had a little premonition of my own." Piper grins mischievously and darts from the room with Phoebe and Raige hard on her heels.

Next week, yet another tiresome gentleman cheats Death and returns from beyond the grave. This one barfs on Raige's shoes. Have fun!

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