Charmed
A Witch's Tail, Part I

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Un)

Hags 'R' Us, Deep-Sea Division. Hagnes has lashed Mylar to a bit of seafaring debris with some kelp. Hagnes again offers Mylar The Shell Of Suck, and Mylar again refuses it. Hagnes blathers something about Mylar eventually begging for The Shell to rid herself of her eternal torment and pain of a love lost and wah, and then vanishes in a pillar of water. Mylar's eyes leak glycerin while her lower lip quivers.

Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, Darryl and his unfortunate facial hair have found themselves pinned down behind a restaurant booth by gunfire emanating from a semiautomatic-toting skinhead. Actual gunfire? On Charmed? How...novel. Oh, it's still tawdry, but it's novel nonetheless. Darryl radios for back-up, then squeezes off a couple of rounds that force the skinhead to beat a retreat into the bistro's kitchen. Darryl and his unfortunate facial hair warily emerge from behind the booth, only to be met by a hail of skinhead-sent bullets. Suddenly, the skinhead appears to freeze, and the trail of bullets slows to a crawl in mid-air. Cole smears onto the scene to note politely, "I thought you could use a little help." Darryl's unfortunate facial hair, startled and standing on end, splutters, "You thought right." "Let's go get the bad guy," Cole smirks. The two amble over to the virtually-frozen skinhead, past the line of bullets that are ever-so-slowly crossing the room while the cloud of smoke from the semi's barrel gradually expands. Applaud the special effects guys for this one. Not only is the overall effect pretty cool, they've also managed to maintain bullet continuity across several different camera angles during the dialogue that follows. As Cole disarms and handcuffs the skinhead, Darryl suspiciously wonders what Cole's ulterior motive could be. Cole is shocked -- shocked -- that Darryl could be so unappreciative and cruel, and claims that, aside from hoping that Phoebe learns of this good deed, he has no ulterior motive. His supernatural services are available any time Darryl might need them. "I'm gonna prove to everyone that I'm not evil," he asserts as he finishes cuffing the perp. Cole waves a hand around, and the bullets speed up to shatter a few wine bottles on the opposite end of the restaurant. The perp makes "Whuh?" noises before Cole clocks him one in the jaw, sending him sprawling onto the floor. Darryl attempts to reason with Cole, but Cole simply smiles, reminds Darryl to tell Phoebe all about this little adventure, and then wordlessly smears away. Darryl's unfortunate facial hair pouts.

Hags 'R' Us, Manor Division, Attic Subsection. Phoebe admiringly examines the Hagnes tracking spell Raige scribbled onto a slip of paper while Raige herself attempts to ignore her chirping cell phone. Raige, you see, is certain that her boss is calling to yell at her. Phoebe, irked, snatches the phone from Raige's hand and slams it down onto the table. Raige "ooo-kays" her way to a chair at Phoebe's side and wonders what gives. Phoebe gives her the long version of what happened at Divorce Court that afternoon -- you know, the version that contains not only the relevant facts, but also all of the meaningless psychoblither about Phoebe's feelings and Phoebe's needs and Phoebe's fear and Phoebe's fatigue and Phoebe's desire to exile herself to a rock in the middle of the ocean in order to get away from her errant husband. Oh, wait. I totally agree with that last bit. Yes, Phoebe. Exile yourself to a rock in the middle of the ocean and stay there forever. Raige peers at the letter opener Phoebe used to gash Cole's hand. The acid in Cole's blood has pitted the blade here and there. Raige vows to concoct a protection spell with Cole's blood once they've dealt with the whole Hagnes issue, and urges Phoebe to focus on the task at hand. Phoebe pouts, but agrees. After the two voice a bit of sisterly concern about Piper's current state of mind, Piper joins them in the attic to recite the tracking spell. The gals form a semicircle in the center of the room as Raige distributes copies of the spell. Raige notes that, should the spell work as she intends, the three will be transported directly to Hags 'R' Us, Deep-Sea Division. The camera whirls around them as the three recite the following:

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Charmed

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