A Witch's Tail, Part II

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Deux)

Here Be Hags, Deep-Sea Division. Necron bursts into the cavern in a blaze of blue electrical bolts and scans the room. "[Hagnes]?" he calls. "I want my eternal life!" Necron tosses aside various items of nautical detritus as he searches for the now-dusty Hagnes. Eventually, he comes across her remains, and if any of you find filthy humor in that statement, you're as hopelessly, wickedly perverse as the people who write for this show. Necron passes a hand over the sad little pile of bone dust and cloth, sweeping most of it off to the side. He spies The Shell Of Suck in the remains and bends to retrieve it just as the Feebs arrives with some of her bright, shiny trinkets. Word to the wise: Alyssa Milano has chosen to baby-talk her way through her mermaid scenes, so if you're going to watch this episode, you might want to turn on the captioning and turn off the sound whenever she appears on screen. "Who are you?" she perks when Necron approaches her. "You have something I want," he threatens. The Feebs flings her entire collection of bright, shiny objects at his feet and dives deep into the glimmering pool. Necron instantly converts The Shell Of Suck into some sort of Ray Gun Of Doom and tags Phoebe square on her ass with a sparking bolt of electricity. The effects team adds a bloom of blood to the underwater shot of Phoebe swimming away to indicate grievous injury as Necron glares.

Hag Manor, the following morning. Up in the kitchen, Raige is in the process of blowing off work, a small library of reference books open before her on the breakfast table. Mr. Boss Man is not pleased, and hangs up on her as the Dolt orbs into the dining room. The Dolt pouts, "I lost her. Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico." If it's at all possible for Hurricane Isidor to kill a fictional television character, then it's possible for me to buy Hurricane Isidor a beer after he's finished the job. The Dolt finds it increasingly difficult to track the Feebs the more thoroughly she loses herself in her mermaid identity. The two sit at the table and commiserate over the seeming hopelessness of the task at hand. Raige has the added angst of work-related stress, as her first big adoption case since her promotion threatens to implode due to her negligence. The Dolt orders her to head off to the office -- after all, she's "only an orb away" if they need her. In the meantime, he'll tackle the Feebs issue with Piper. Raige raises a sardonic brow at the mention of Piper's name. Seems Piper's anxiety attacks have gone from bad to worse overnight, and now she's pretty much useless. Raige suggests that the Dolt head to the attic to see for himself.

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