Charmed
A Witch's Tail, Part II

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Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Deux)

Hag Manor, Attic Subdivision. Piper sits cross-legged in a corner, spinning a plate on the floorboards while rocking rhythmically back and forth and flapping her hands. I jest. Am I the only person who remembers that movie about autism from high school psych class? Anyway, Piper's actually furiously scribbling possible spells on the attic walls with a piece of chalk, grunting in frustration whenever she trips up on a rhyme. As the camera pans across her work thus far, I swear I see "All work and no play make Piper a dull girl," which would rule if it were really there. The Dolt kneels down beside her to give her some sort of nattering pep talk about not allowing her icky pregnant-lady hormones to rule her life, but that's not important. What is important is that Brian Krause has gone from looking like a simple constipated chimpanzee to looking like a full-on gargoyle over the summer hiatus. Could be the unflattering lighting in this scene. Could be his new haircut, which is short and spiky and does him no favors around the face. And it could be that Brian Krause is, indeed, a full-on gargoyle. Anywho, the Dolt finishes up the pep chat by insisting that Piper needs "to remove [her] fear," and he's there to help her do that. Piper's face lights up at this, and she rises to her feet, asking if she could be left alone for just a little bit longer. Her spineless Dolt wimp of a husband agrees and exits. Piper crosses to a blank wall and scrawls "Fearless" on one of the planks. Wasn't that a Marky Mark movie? Oh, no. It was that horrible Rosie Perez movie with the plane crash, right? Yeesh. And she snapped up an Academy Award nomination for that piece of crap. Oy.

By the sea! By the sea! By the beautiful sea! You and me, you and me -- oh, how happy we'll be! Well, at least until the zooming camera lands on the Feebs, who perches above the water on a dock, gingerly examining her gaping, bloody ass wound. Fisherfolk approach, so the Feebs dives back into the water, trailing a cloud of ass blood behind her.

THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES, where Raige will resign from her job in fifty minutes and five seconds. Four seconds. Three seconds. Oh, sorry. Spoiler! Raige and Mr. Boss Man pedeconference through the cubicles, chatting about Phoebe's supposed "fishing accident." Mr. Boss Man urges Raige to make him proud or something, and peels away to his office. And look who's here! It's Cole, looking fine as always and come to annoy Raige! Or not. He's here to prove his inherent goodness to her so she'll urge Phoebe to take him back. Mr. Boss Man drops by with some more paperwork on Raige's rapidly-imploding adoption case. Cole introduces himself as "a partner at Jackman, Carter, and Kline" who's familiar with family law. If there's anything Cole can do to help Raige, Mr. Boss Man should let him know. Mr. Boss Man leaves again after expressing his admiration for Cole, volunteering as he is for pro bono social work. Raige snipes some more at her brother-in-law, there's a bad joke about fish for lunch, and then Raige drags Cole into the copier room to shriek at him in private.

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Charmed

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