A Witch's Tail, Part II

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken (Parte Deux)

Down in the bathroom, this Nancy O'Dell woman I've heard absolutely nothing about is getting ready to interview the Phoebe behind "Ask Phoebe" about her life and loves. While the Feebs lounges in a bubble bath. Whatever.

In the hall outside the bathroom, Raige, Piper, and the Dolt have a hushed, yet urgent, conversation about the Rosie Perez spell. Raige and the Dolt agree that the spell only served to "suppress" Piper's fear, rather than "free" her from it, as Piper believes. This suppression brings with it threat of exposure to the world at large and bodily harm, this last to Piper more than the others, mainly because she seems to have lost her instinct for self-preservation along with her "fear." Piper's not having it. She simply did what the Dolt suggested she do, and she firmly believes they will all benefit in the end -- especially Phoebe. Piper insisted Phoebe go through with the O'Dell interview, because Piper's certain the session will remind Phoebe of her land-based passions for work and family, thereby balancing out that "call of the sea" bullshit Phoebe keeps babbling about.

Cut to the interior of the bathroom, where Phoebe's blithering about the human race's appetite for marine destruction. She whines about Chilean sea bass. She moans about swordfish. She gripes about the utter impossibility of true love in such a cold, cruel world. Raige throws this Nancy O'Dell person out of the Manor. Atta girl. Once Nancy's out of the way, Phoebe reaffirms her intention to return to the ocean. Raige rolls her eyes and snaps at both of her addled siblings as the scruffy crows sent by Necron alight on the telephone wire outside the bathroom window. The scruffy crows make noise. Necron makes even more noise when he zips into the second-floor hall in a blaze of bolts and whatnot. Piper orders Raige to orb Phoebe downstairs, then strides out of the bathroom to confront Necron alone. She flings out her hands, and Necron dissolves into a cloud of light-blue bits that disappears as quickly as it formed. Piper marches to the center of the hallway, barking out threats. Necron zips back in behind her and latches onto her arms, then zaps on out of the Manor with Piper to parts unknown. Parts unknown that are spelled "H-A-G C-A-V-E-R-N." Usually, this alarming development would rate a "DUN!" but we're hitting the bottom of the second hour here, and I just can't get as excited about the tawdry knockoff at this point as I normally do.

Hag Manor, Attic Subdivision. Aftermath. Raige puzzles through a Power of Three vanquish for Necron while the Feebs lounges on a sofa with a spray bottle filled with water. The Dolt paces. Impotently. Stupid Dolt. The Dolt can sense Piper, but there's something off. Her "courage" is jamming all other signals she might be sending, including the signal that would indicate she's been injured. Just go with it, people. The three babble at each other a bit more regarding the current situation, with Raige being the most levelheaded of the trio. Phoebe's focus remains on herself -- surprise! -- and the Dolt's too worried about the wife to be of much use. After a particularly stupid outburst from the Feebs regarding dolphins, beluga, and the absence of walls in the open ocean, Raige drags the Dolt out to the landing for a private chat.

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