Charmed
All Hell Breaks Loose

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
All Hell Breaks Loose

Upstairs, The Siege Of Halliwell Manor continues. In the sun porch, Prue and Piper barricade the door with the cast-iron table and a couple of chairs. Piper finds this exercise pointless. If Tempus doesn’t reset the clock, she argues, a little lawn furniture won’t protect them from the crowd. Prue tells her to cram it. They have “to figure out what [they’re] gonna do” should the Dolt fail on his mission to Hell. Piper has that one covered: “We’re gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals and then be taken by the CIA and dissected.” Prue, holding the BoS in her arms, doesn’t think that’s funny. “How can you be joking about this, Piper?” Piper’s tries to blow off Prue’s nagging, but Prue continues. “I’m scared,” she admits. “And you should be, too. Everything we’ve worked for could be destroyed with one stupid mistake. Our future -- our entire destiny -- could be wiped out like that.” Prue snaps her fingers to emphasize that last word, and as she does so, a gunshot fires somewhere outside. Piper gasps as if startled by the loud report of the rifle. Prue wonders what the noise was. The camera pans down from Piper’s face to her torso. Piper’s been hit, and blood from the wound pours from her stomach to stain her shirt and her hands. Piper collapses into Prue’s arms as the shot cuts to Smelly Alice outside. She stands above her VW bus with a rifle in her hands. She takes a moment, then raises the weapon above her head, rejoicing, “I killed the wicked witch!” A team of three uniformed officers wrestles her off the roof of the van to the street below. Once they’ve handcuffed her, they place her in Darryl’s custody. He drags her off past the braying spectators as we cut back into the manor.

Okay, a moment for my reservations about what just happened. It won’t take too long, because I want to get to the next scene, which kicks all kinds of ass. Smelly Alice fired into the manor from atop her VW bus parked in the street below. How in hell did she get a clear shot from that position? Seriously -- someone explain the sort of twisted geometry that would result in angles that would allow that to happen. Also, Piper and Prue were headed towards the back of the manor when Piper was shot. Piper was facing the front of the house, and thus, Smelly Alice. How then, was she shot in her back? And she had to have been shot in her back, because given the amount of blood on the front of her shirt and her hands, the hole in her stomach had to be an exit wound. Given that, why didn’t the bullet hit Prue, too? She was standing right in front of Piper, after all. Is the slug embedded in the Book of Shadows? As a matter of fact, why wouldn’t Prue have taken the bullet in the first place, given that she was the one standing closer to the shooter? And finally, a smelly hippie -- who has already broken into the house once -- has time to climb to the roof of her reefer mobile, which is illegally parked on the wrong side of a police barricade, with a rifle, aim the rifle, and shoot a person who is supposedly the current recipient of police protection, and none of the twenty or so cops on the street would have taken said smelly hippie out first? ["And what's a smelly hippie doing with a gun in the second place? She's a hippie, people!" -- Sars] But like I said. I like this episode so much, I feel like I’m quibbling.

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Charmed

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