Prue’s on the verge of an apoplectic fit. She stomps into the sun porch, demanding the immediate presence of the Dolt. This time he heeds her call and orbs on in behind her. There’s a round of bitchery and snipes, followed by the Dolt revealing TPTB’s cunning plan. The Dolt himself thinks it’s “a long shot,” but fills the two Ps in on it anyway. They must to find a way to summon a demon named Tempus, as he is the only force on either side of the dividing line between good and evil who can turn back the clock. Should Tempus do this, all problems stemming from the Great Halliwell Unmasking of 2001 will be solved. Piper finds one little problem with this idea. “We vanquished him.” No, they merely “defeated” him, but that’s neither here nor there. The real issue is how to contact him. He’s an “upper-level demon” who enjoys the direct protection of The Source. Piper whines that, with all the media scrutiny, the sisters are for all intents and purposes “powerless.” Why would a demon want to change that? Before they can debate this point, the smelly, unwashed, irritating, addle-brained hippie rag-doll barges in from outside. “Wow, I made it!” she zonks. Shut up, sow. Piper and Prue are quite reasonably outraged by this intrusion. The smelly, unwashed, irritating, addle-brained hippie rag-doll reveals that her name is “Alice Hicks.” She wants “to join [the Ps’] coven.” Prue TKs her smelly ass back out onto the lawn and slams the doors shut behind her. Aw, Prue. I’m gonna miss you. Darryl, living up to his nickname of “Too Little Too Late,” enters with his gun drawn. Prue basically says, “Thanks for nothing, chump,” then turns to address the Dolt. “This has to end now or our lives are over.” Gee. You think someone ends up dead by the end of the episode?
Outside, Smelly Alice becomes grist for the tabloid mill. Piranha Dominguez confronts her, shoving the microphone into her face, asking for details of the encounter. Some random coot, who’s either a print journalist or another freak from the barricades, asks, “Did they think you were a demon?” Smelly Alice oh-so-psychotically brushes tears and hair from her face as she pouts, “They’re mean witches.” Again, I find it hard to believe that the police wouldn’t have busted Smelly Alice’s smelly ass by now, but I’m just going to go along with it, so great is my liking of this episode. Back in the sun porch, it’s quickly determined that the best way to reach Tempus is through Cole. As the Dolt is allowed to orb into the Cavern of the Bi Kraps, they decide he should head down there to look for him. The Dolt warns them that he’ll be incommunicado for the length of his visit to the Cavern, much like Phoebe. What if something should happen while he’s gone? “Honey,” Piper soothes, “what more trouble could we possibly get into?” She tells him to “go and be careful.” She gives him a peck on the lips, and he orbs out in mid-kiss. It all ends in heartache and tears, people. The tears of some considerably more ridiculous than the tears of others, granted, but still. Just thought I’d warn you in advance. Piper turns around to face Prue and perks brightly, “So whaddya say: Oprah? Or Barbara?” Prue cracks a broad grin as Piper decides for them both. “Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah.” Snicker.