Animal Pragmatism

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | 1 USERS: A+
Animal Pragmatism

UC Berkeley? Could Phoebe have possibly been accepted? What college is this? Anyway, we're in a classroom. A professor is lecturing about sex in the animal kingdom, citing an example of "lions mating every hour for a week straight." Cut to Phoebe "Suddenly Student" Halliwell, in an eggplant-colored Danskin top with diamond-shaped cut-outs running down the sleeves, leering over at a guy with major bed-head and permanently flared Scott Foley-ish nostrils. The professor, still blathering about the anvil, er animal mating rituals, states that the process begins when a creature "gets the attention of the object of its desires." Phoebe does a smirk and a hair toss in Bedhead's direction. The professor: "Next there must be a sign that interest is mutual." Down the row of students, ersatz Knoll looks over at Phoebe. Before he can make his move, we cut to three girls -- a redhead, a blonde and a brunette -- sitting behind her who are laughing over a big red book of spells titled Bewitched, which I bet is an actual tome you can buy at Hallmark card stores. Phoebe whines, "What's up with my study group having fun without me?" The redheaded girl apologizes, explaining that Phoebe "looked busy." The professor wraps his lecture up. Bedhead walks over to brown-nose him. Phoebe asks the girls if they're holding a book of love spells. Red says yes, she found it in a Valentine's Day display at the campus bookstore. Since she and her friends are "dateless" this year, she thought it might provide some "laughs." Phoebe reads from the book and giggles to herself. The girls wonder what's the big. Phoebe explains that the spells are "written wrong -- they're backwards. First you say what's lacking, then what's needed." She corrects a spell from the book aloud, providing the first of this episode's many Hallmark moments: From the stroke of twelve to twenty-four/ That's how long this spell is for [sic]/ If to [sic] abate my lonely heart/ Enchant these gifts I thee [sic] impart. She adds a patronizing "you silly mortals" smirk. The girls gape at Pheebs. Perhaps they just discovered the girl knows how to read? No, they're surprised at her knowledge of witchcraft. Phoebe explains that she's "doing a paper" on it. She changes the subject by handing the girls a red, crudely written construction paper flyer advertising a "P3 V-Day Party." Although the flyer looks like it was drawn by a pre-schooler, the girls think the event looks "cool." They leave. Phoebe says hi to Bedhead as he walks past her. She hands him a retarded flyer also, telling him that there's a "party tomorrow night" and he "should come." Bedhead, taking after Knoll in more ways than one, responds rudely: "Why?" Phoebe vamps at him, "Because I'll be there," and walks out.

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