Snake Boy and Rabbit Boy enter the bar. Snake Boy sniffs around for Phoebe's "scent." Brunette and the lazy Ps enter the bar also. Leo comes up to them and asks them to meet up with Piper, who's "de-stressing in the alcove." Phoebe's writing out a reversal spell on a pad. The Ps go off to hold a processing summit. Brunette is left in Leo's care. Tonight's P3AD musical guest, Janice Robinson, starts caterwauling in leather pants and a shag carpet jacket.
Alcove. Piper says she hasn't seen any ani-males, and the only one who asked for Phoebe was Bedhead. Phoebe admits that Bedhead is her date. Piper wonders why the Halliwells always "gather our men at the spot of supernatural smackdowns." Just then, Darryl "Grief of Detectives" Morris shows up. He's interrupting Valentine's Day dinner with his wife to warn the Halliwells about police reports showing men committing acts of violence leading from the campus straight to their club. There's a stolen car parked outside, and the police are on their way. Snake Boy picks up on Phoebe's scent. The Ps notice this. Prue asks Pheebs how "we're doing on the spell." Phoebe bitches about Prue's use of the word "we." Tee hee. Snake Boy and Rabbit Boy approach the alcove. Darryl takes out his gun and walks over to them. In the laziest use of the Astral Prue-jection power yet, Prue goes catatonic so Astral Prue can appear three yards in front of herself and come between Darryl and the ani-males. Phoebe announces that she's completed the wording of the spell. Snake Boy tells Prue that they'd better not try to change the ani-males back, or they'll never be able to find and save Phoebe's girlfriends. Astral Prue yells at Phoebe not to say the spell, but Phoebe closes the alcove curtain and we have a Hallmark Moment anyway: Something wicked in our midst/ In human form these spirits dwell/ Bring forth animals/ Sayeth the spell. The Ps pull back the alcove curtain to reveal a bar full of really bad blue screen effects, trying to convince us that the place is packed with an animal menagerie, including a parrot, a monkey, a rooster, a cow, a cockatoo, a goat, a camel, a tiger, an elephant, etc. Phoebe whines that the spell "worked on everybody!" Piper wails that she doesn't "have a permit for this type of party."
Ah, a Hallmark commercial. They're selling John Gray's new tome of sexist blather. Coincidence? I think not.
P3AD. CGI animals spread out all over the place. Phoebe sings, "Old McPiper had a farm, E-I-E-I-O." Piper snarls back, "That's not how you spell 'farm,' moron." Actually, she just pleads for Pheebs to "fix this" before her club is destroyed. Prue reminds the Ps that they still need to rescue Phoebe's friends before they die of the snake poison. Phoebe notes that it's thirty-five minutes to midnight. Prue remembers the stolen car outside. The hard Ps decide to investigate the car and try to find the girls, while Phoebe casts a spell to turn the club patrons back to humans. The monkey sitting on the bar kisses Phoebe. Piper calls the monkey "Leo" and tells him to kiss someone else. Hee. The hard Ps put the "only snake and rabbit next to each other" in boxes and head out to the parking lot. Phoebe asks Piper to freeze the zoo before she leaves. She does. Phoebe announces to the CGI blue screen effects that she "wants them to know" that she's "a vegetarian." And she's "never eaten any of [them]." For one thing, they're really humans turned to animals. For another thing, they're frozen. For yet another thing, Pheebs is a moron.