Astral Monkey

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Astral Monkey

Credits. As noted earlier, Dan's gone this week. WOO HOO! Greg Vaughan can fulfill the rest of his full-season contractual obligation by postcard, as far as I'm concerned.

Ad touting "new" Physique products. And I was foolish enough to believe that a cure for "bad hair days" would not be found in my lifetime.

This week the establishing shots are in super fast-forward, only serving to contrast with the snail's pace of the plot that follows. Cut back to the hospital. Dr. Williamson tells the chimpanPs to BE QUIET as he bandages up his neck. His rage causes him to TK a couple of bottles of blood against the wall. We see the splatter in close-up. As Joe Bob Briggs says, "Paint the screen red!" Dr. W gapes at his new-found telekinetic ability. Just then, his boss doctor walks into the lab, blathering. Dr. W tells him to wait. The man freezes in mid-sentence. Dr. W walks around his boss, and figures out that he has the ability to cause temporal stasis also. Dr. W unfreezes him. The guy wonders what the hell is going on. Dr. W prattles on about needing to "get a hold of the Halliwells immediately." His boss suggest that he take "some time off"; after all, he has a sick sister who's in the very same hospital. Dr. W gets his mad-scientist bitch on and reiterates his need to contact the Halliwells while grabbing his boss's lapels and bugging his eyes out. His boss tells Dr. W to have his things "cleared out of this lab by the end of the day." He storms out. Dr. W turns to see chimpanPrue float a banana over to her cage.

Studio. Hey, this must be the actual San Francisco set where they film this very show! How postmodern! Prue drives up in her brand-new, detailed BMW sports utility vehicle, which caused discussion on our boards as to how she afforded it on a neophyte "glorified intern" photographer's budget. She struts in the entrance in her ugly saddle-colored leather pimp jacket over a multi-hued macrame plant holder stretched over her chest as a top, and chinos. Prue walks up to the man getting made up while sitting in a director's chair labeled "Evan Stone." She queries, "Evan Stone?" Duh. ES greets her. Prue notes that they "have a date." ES gets a hard-on. He's played by that guy who's on that USA Network show about bicycle cops. He's "stretching" by appearing on television out of Lycra shorts. Anyway, ES's officious assistant shows up and gets into a snit because she senses that Prue's an evil tabloid reporter. Prue's very offended by that accusation, naturally, and gives Officious Assistant her ID from No. magazine, as if that puts her in a higher league than the people who toil for the supermarket rags. Officious Assistant is suspicious because Prue only has a temporary ID. THE HELL? Didn't Prue have friggin' business cards just last week? Don't they take a bit longer to process and print than an ID card? Whatever! OS goes to check out Prue's credentials while Prue and ES attempt badinage. They're not successful. Okay, here's chemistry. Seven time zones over, well, that's where Prue and Evan are. I'm betting money that he's a closeted star who's going to manipulate Prue and the evil tabloid press into causing the public to believe that he's dating a woman. I'm throwing that out there because this is a fantasy show. I'm not suggesting that occurs in real life!

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