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Owen: D | Grade It Now!

Nathan's room. Mini-ninja raises the sword above the boy's sleeping form. Suddenly the doll turns into an immobile plastic figure again and falls to the floor.

Quarantine Room. Piper collapses back into her coma. The lazy Ps call for help. Dr. W runs in with a bunch of minions. He calls for "a crash cart."

Talk about selling an image! The number of people I know who own SUVs and actually kayak and rock-climb and use their vehicles off-road can be counted on one hand and still leave enough fingers for me to go bowling.

Hospital. Dan gives grief to the admitting nurse to find out where Piper is. He LIES and tells her he's "family."

The room formerly known as "Quarantine." Dan walks in as Prue and Phoebe cry and hug each other and the doctors try to resuscitate Piper (Dr. W's pronunciation) Hollywell. Suddenly Piper rises out of her body and floats up to the ceiling, out of the room, and onto the set from the final reel of Xanadu. Y'all might scoff, but I swear when the dry ice cleared Piper was wearing roller disco skates, and so was Leo, who emerges from a bright light to meet her. Piper's own personal Jesus tells her to "take [his] hands" because it's "the only way" he can heal her, and they have to "hurry" so the higher-ups don't find out. Back at the hospital, Dr. W uses cardioshock paddles on Piper's body. Back in Xanadu, Piper grabs Leo's hands. Dr. W asks a nurse to call Piper's time of death. Suddenly Piper coughs and sits up on the table, moaning, "Leo." Dan freaks. The medical personnel are perplexed at Piper's recovery.

BAH. Prue is packing up her belongings into a box. Jack walks in. He tells her she "can't just quit." Well, Jack, it seems you stalked the lady right out of the company. Her office is all yours now, feel free to redecorate. Prue confirms that she turned in her resignation and the VP accepted it. Jack wonders if this came about "just because [they] disagreed about selling the Monet." Prue reminds him that it's not authentic. Jack argues some more about it. Prue tells him that the sale "is wrong in [her] book" and that Buckland's has changed "since the takeover." Now people "care more about the sell than what they're selling." Jack thinks this must mean him. Instead of agreeing that Jack's lack of scruples was the straw that broke the camel's back, Prue placates Jack by telling him that she's been thinking about quitting for awhile. The hell? She provides the Lesson of the Day: "Life is too short to waste my time doing something I don't want to be doing." Cue the Dueling Egos Banjo Strums. Jack turns the conversation back to him by whining, "With someone you really don't want to be with?" Prue thanks Jack for "being great" and "making [her] feel wanted again." Jack adds, "But . . ." Prue: "But really you were stalking and sexually harassing me." No, she actually says, "I just need to be alone for awhile." She kisses him, and Jack is SENT DOWN THE ROAD. About time.

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