OH MY GOD, SHUT UP, PHOEBE. The hag in question has thrown herself into an unbearably selfish monologue about Piper taking the car and Raige never being there when a gal needs an orb, or something like that, as she ambles down a sidewalk on the Paramount backlot with the ludicrously attired Retarded Bimbo, who's drawing catcalls and sneers from various passersby while she tries and fails to unhook the tacky golden belt from around her waist, and you two hideously stupid morons can flag down a goddamned cab at any time now. No? Fine, then. In that case, I'll just ignore everything that follows to note that The Retard does have the good grace to look thoroughly mortified by the entire experience, but from what I've heard through the grapevine, that's actually more Kaley Cuoco's embarrassment than the character's. She evidently burst into tears when she first saw what the perverted producers intended her to wear for this episode, and I did feel sorry for her when I read about that. Then I remembered the obscene amount of money she's being paid for all of this, and I decided Kaley Cuoco can just suck it the fuck up and knock it off with the fucking bitching. The Retard's expected knee-high boots, by the way, are actually more Ilsa, She Wolf Of The SS than Doris The Dominatrix, and the mid-thigh mini she's sporting features gold racing stripes down the sides. In any event, Phoebe mentions her own past transformations into mermaid, mummy, and genie, and if I'm remembering them correctly, none were exactly her fault the way The Retard's to blame for her own predicament this evening, but whatever. After some random jackass on the street yells, "Hey, Superhero Babe!" The Retard cringes and pouts, "Someone please vanquish me now!" Bitch, the audience has been screaming for that for the last seven episodes. Zip it. Phoebe finally -- finally -- hails a cab, but the stupid Retard rips the back door off with her newfound superstrength, so the two idiots race off down the sidewalk on foot.
Episode Report CardDemian: F | 435 USERS: C+
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