Battle Of The Hexes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!

..."Skid Row," where Raige squirms around in the front seat of Ivan's battered sedan, because she has to pee. Yes, the current state of Raige's bladder has become a plot point in this wicked episode. No matter, really, because the two of them are still playing so well off each other that I'm willing to overlook that sordid bit of tastelessness, especially when Ivan playfully offers her a bottle to whiz in, promising not to look. Heh. By the way, there are two crumpled twenties sitting atop the sedan's dashboard, so do yourself a favor and ignore all subsequent references these two make to the bet and how they intend to pay it off should either one of them lose. Also, Ivan Sergei spends the entire scene tipping a jar of mixed nuts into his mouth and chewing his way through his lines, so it's clear he understands exactly how unimportant those lines actually are, which makes me love him a little bit. It's also clear he's quite skilled in the art of Acting With Props, so he's got that going for him as well. The two banter about their current stake-out for a bit before the chatter on the police radio heralds the arrival of Speedle Dee Dee and Donnie in an SUV. Ivan grumps something about Speedle Dee Dee that Raige counters with a plea for patience and faith, eliciting an amusing "girl, please" look from Ivan as he caps his nuts and tugs out his automatic, which sounds sort of dirty but really, really isn't. Meanwhile, over in the SUV, Speedle Dee Dee's having second thoughts, much to Donnie's annoyance. Yawn. Once their armed and presumably dangerous associates have exited the vehicle for the liquor store, an argument erupts between the co-conspirators, with Donnie eventually whipping out a switchblade after Speedle Dee Dee balks at pulling the SUV around to the front of the store. When the alarm goes off inside, Speedle Dee Dee moves to push himself out of the getaway car. Donnie lunges at him with the knife, but apparently only manages to slash a small gash in Speedle Dee Dee's side before Donnie, too, decides to flee. Uniformed cops arrive to take down the actual robbers -- in a decidedly non-violent manner, naturally -- as Ivan jumps from his battered sedan to chase after Speedle Dee Dee, followed closely by Raige. Speedle Dee Dee, of course, has long since disappeared. "You owe me twenty bucks," Ivan growls, and no, because see above reference to the cash on the dashboard. Don't make me hurt you, dude.

Manor. Night has fallen, and up in the nonexistent attic, Phoebe's scrying fruitlessly for Supertard while Piper arranges a few Mystical Crysticals on the carpet in the blurry background of the shot. Eventually, Piper decides to use the "To Call A Lost Witch" spell -- minus the appropriate props, natch -- to drag Supertard back to the Manor, so the two ladies head over to the Book of Shadows to read the following aloud:

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