Charmed
Battle Of The Hexes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
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It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!

For all the world
To work as one
In harmony,
It must be undone.

The tacky belt drops to the floor, and Supertard promptly morphs back into Regular 'Tard form. Raige next deploys the orbing telekinesis to snap the belt around Zeta Zeta Zira's waist. "Uh oh," ZZZ whimpers right before she erupts in a spray of black demonic shards. Bye-bye, Jennifer Tung. Maybe we'll see you again in Season Thirteen. Not. EVER. Piper flips a vial of green potion into InvisiDolt's chest -- and no, I don't know how she knows where he's standing, so don't ask -- and he reappears so Brian Krause and Holly Marie Combs can make with the cute banter and the kissy faces and such, because they only have one more episode in which to enjoy each other's company before Brad Kern kills Krause's character off. Or something like that. The Retarded Bimbo silently resolves her Issue Of The Week that I never cared about while Phoebe and Raige grin.

Meanwhile, over in the hallway at Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World -- which is really the hallway for All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me, and I really hate this show -- Ivan's figured out that Speedle Dee Dee was telling the truth, and so he lets the kid go. By the way, Ivan's character's name is "Henry," and that won't do at all, now will it? And...scene.

Manor. Up in the Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, currently occupied by Raige -- where, incidentally, a half-finished painting sits on an easel near her dressing table, like, when the hell did they remember she's supposed to be an artist? -- the current mistress of the boudoir flips around on her bed in the darkened room to answer her cell. It's Ivan, calling both to fill her in on Speedle Dee Dee's release and to thank her for her help that day. There's also a delightfully flirtatious undercurrent to the entire conversation that neither character, for a refreshing change, acknowledges verbally. Each, however, is clearly enamored of the other in his or her own way. After a lengthy pause in the talking during which both parties grin like fools, Ivan eventually thanks Raige once more and hangs up. Raige all but giggles to herself and buries herself beneath her duvet.

Meanwhile, over in an overcrowded P3, Piper and Phoebe push their way past the bar to...join The Retarded Bimbo on The Official Halliwell Club Couch for The Weekly Summation? Blasphemy! Outrage! Scandal! Yawn! Still, that dim bitch gets a seat on the Club Couch while Raige is banished to the Manor for this closing scene? Blow me, show. And after The Weekly Summation regarding a Retard Issue I never, ever cared about? We arrive at the Oh, Liz! portion of this evening's festivities, wherein onetime indie darling Liz Phair at long last sheds the final, tattered remnants of her once-formidable credibility by appearing on this show. It's sad. It's also annoying as hell, because the song she's singing blows, and the camera spends most of the time bouncing between The Retarded Bimbo and some random guy she's flirting with from across the room. But I don't really care much one way or the other, because I never recap P3 performances, so hooray! The episode's over!

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Charmed

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