Charmed
Battle Of The Hexes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
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It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!

Meanwhile, back at Not!warts, ZZZ's henchdork chugs into the Not-So-Great Hall with an ancient tome and the fabulous news that "a dormant power's just been activated." He rushes to her side to display the book's entry on "The Golden Belt Of Gaea." The entry itself reads, "The Goddesses' [sic] gift to Hippolytal [sic] endows woman wearing it [sic] with transcendent powers." They're not even trying anymore, are they? And then ZZZ pronounces the Amazon's name as "HIP-o-LEE-ta." God, this show sucks. "How do I get it?" ZZZ demands. "Trust me," the henchdork replies, "you don't want it. It would destroy you the moment you put it on." "You're evil," he reminds her, but he does argue that ZZZ could still "appropriate" the tacky belt's powers by convincing The Retarded Bimbo to do her bidding. The tacky belt, you see, compels the person it possesses to deploy its overwhelming power, whether the possessed wants to or not. It eventually drives the woman wearing it insane, but if ZZZ can intervene before that happens, she might be able to have The Retard off That Brute. See what I meant about the tediousness of this subplot? ZZZ, nevertheless, is way stoked, and growls, "How do we find her?"

Well, she sure as hell isn't here, hon, which is actually Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World. Raige storms in to scream at Ivan for nearly running her down at the close of their earlier scene, but that's not important. Nor is the fact that Ivan Sergei's still not annoying me and is, in fact, the most charismatic guest actor they've had on this show since Oded Fehr -- pre-stupidification of his character, of course. No, what completely fucking rocks here is the random and utterly silent extra who sits in the chair beside Ivan's desk. She's tarted up just enough to resemble a common prostitute, and she takes in Raige's appearance with a slow, withering once-over before shooting her this look, all, "I obviously take in a fraction of the cash you clear and yet somehow, I'm the one who's better dressed, trash." It is, indeed, a deeply awesome moment, and by far the most entertaining of the evening. Hee. In any event, what follows between Raige and Ivan isn't terribly important as far as the overall storyline is concerned, but Sergei does act his little heart out with it all, and in the process drags McGowan up from the depths of her twitchery and mugging to engage her in a scene for what seems to be the first time this season, so it's enjoyable enough to watch. Basically, we learn that Speedle Dee Dee's just turned eighteen, so if he screws up again, he's going straight to the big-boy jail. Oh, and Raige explains her interest in the case by pulling out her Homeland Security credentials, which Ivan clearly believes to be bullshit, but he doesn't call her on it at the moment. And...scene? Yeah. Scene. With one pricelessly awesome moment.

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Charmed

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