Charmed
Battle Of The Hexes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
It's Absurd! It's A Bane! It's Supertard!

Manor, and this is just repugnant. Piper, heretofore thoroughly level-headed as far as her business was concerned, has inexplicably been turned into a paranoid, irrational shrew just so the typewriting crackmonkeys can connect her subplot with the assery currently surrounding The Retarded Bimbo. Long story short, she'd sooner see P3 fall into bankruptcy than deal with That Smitty Person again. The Dolt attempts to reason with her, but there's no reason to be had, because Piper must become as brainless as the other idiot women in this episode to retain her overall relevance to the plot. Or something like that. I don't care, and I care even less when The Retarded Bimbo literally rips the front door off its hinges when she enters from the porch with the Feebs. The Manor Morons fret their way into the center parlor, where the Dolt recognizes the tacky belt for what it truly is. He, too, mispronounces Hippolyta's name, by the way, but that doesn't matter, because The Retard suddenly makes the connection between the Hippolyta of her tacky belt and the one who was butchered by Hercules. "That's just great!" howls The Retard, gesticulating wildly. Something about all this causes the Dolt to flare red and disappear. "Why'd you go and do that?" Piper shrills. "Who's gonna go pick up the kids?" You dim bitch. For all you know, The Retard just vanquished your husband, and that's how you react? Whatever. WHATEVER! Moving on: InvisiDolt instantly bleats, "What do you mean?" so we know he's actually okay. Still. Why you gotta be so stoopid, Piper? "[Dolt]," Phoebe demands, "look at yourself." There's a pause, and then Brian Krause makes me giggle by letting loose a long, low, "Ohhhhhhh!" Heh. After a bit of belt-related stupidity, Phoebe and The Retard exit upwards to abuse the Book of Shadows for a solution, leaving Piper and InvisiDolt alone in the center parlor to hash through information of which the audience is already aware, thanks to that earlier scene between ZZZ and her henchdork at Not!warts. And after a bit of InvisiDolt-related stupidity, the camera cuts over to...

...the same dank and forbidding alleyway I recall from the pre-credits sequence of "Charrrmed!" Minus, you know, the lesbian, the pirate, the whistling, and the fog. ZZZ leads That Brute and his henchdemons down the asphalt, babbling about the tacky belt the entire time, and suddenly that episode with the pirates is looking pretty damn good. Why on earth did I give it a D? I mean, aside from the fact that I couldn't possibly at the time have imagined that this show would get any worse. And then it did. Sigh. Anyway, ZZZ plays upon That Brute's male vanity, or something, and convinces him to torture a female innocent in order to lure the tacky belt's current owner into the dank and forbidding alleyway, whereupon That Brute and the henchdemons can slaughter The Retard and return to the Underworld with the tacky belt as a prize. Or whatever. I so totally don't care. ZZZ squiggles away "to prepare for the belt's arrival" for some senseless reason before we cut back over to...

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Charmed

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