Be Careful What You Witch For

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Be Careful What You Witch For

Doorway. Piper answers it (natch). It's a guy in really bad old-man make-up. The guy blinks, shakes, and mumbles, "Why the hell is this happening to me?" As much as I despise Greg Vaughan, I find it especially cruel that the producers of this show took an actor who obviously can't act his way out of a paper bag and made him try to perform while wearing enough layers of latex to fill a Trojan warehouse. Just then, Phoebe runs up to Piper from upstairs to announce that Prue Teen has run away. Piper's realized the sitch with the old man, and tells Pheebs that it's Dan.

Car. Prue Teen's driving along, jamming to "I'll Stop the World and Melt with You," a song that Owen Teen also used to love before Burger King used it to shill Whoppers in a TV commercial. Suddenly, Dragon Warlock appears in her headlights. She brakes. He asks Prue Teen for a lift. Khan! He supposed to be MINE!

I used to think that failed comedians had to achieve a certain level of success before sliding down the ladder towards their own 1-800 commercial. Then I saw Alyssa as Eva Save-a-lot.

Halliwell Manor. Parlor. The docile Ps worry about Prue Teen. Phoebe wonders if "cell phones existed ten years ago." Will PT know how to answer hers? The Flying Dunce offers to fly around town, trying to spot her. Piper says that would be impossible at night. Phoebe bitches that she still can't get a premonition when she wants to; that should have been her wish. Piper makes the conversation all about her, noting that "at least your wish didn't hurt someone." Phoebe tells Piper that Dan's sitch is not her fault. Piper whines that Dan "doesn't deserve this." Ugh. Whatever! If Dan had accepted the boot several eps ago like he should have, he wouldn't be applying for Medicaid now, would he? Shut up, Piper. Phoebe reiterates their need to "find the genie" and save Prue and Dan.

Car. Prue Teen and Dragon Warlock exchange pre-make-out banter. Is PT scared of him? PT isn't. DW does some bad-boy posturing about trying to "get back" what her sisters took from him. PT's cell phone rings. She bitches that she doesn't know how to turn it off. DW does so. They mack. PT reaches the point where NO means NO. DW suddenly sports red contact lenses and a synthesized growl. He queries, "Scared of me NOW?" PT shrieks and books out of the car. DW gets out, and Frenie appears behind him. DW expositions that PT will call her sisters to come and rescue her. It's a "perfect trap." French Stewart's expression either conveys the deep shame he feels for depositing Love Stinks on video shelves around the world, or reveals his character's moral uncertainty.

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