Bite Me

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
Suck This

Fade up on an exterior nighttime shot of the Manor. A flash of blue light from within flares out through the windows. In the parlor, Piper squeals and hurtles over a sofa to dodge a comet-like projectile flung from an unseen source. The comet blazes past her to blow a boulder-sized hole through the wall. Piper pops up from behind the couch to whip her head around at the intruder responsible. Said intruder is a sassy and fierce demonette of color who would look a bit like Aneesa from The Real World: Chicago, if Aneesa had a thing for skin-tight black leather outfits and ice-blue contacts. Aneesa whips another comet in Piper's direction. Her aim is a little off, and the comet plows into the sofa instead. Piper screams for Raige through a cloud of upholstery fragments and feathers. Raige immediately orbs in with Phoebe, directly in front of the demonette. Piper hollers out a warning as Aneesa prepares to shoot another comet from her outstretched hand. Phoebe bats the demonette's hand to the side, and the comet slices through the upright piano. Irritated at being so thwarted, Aneesa hauls off and clocks Phoebe in the jaw as the distressed piano rumbles out a jangly low chord. Phoebe flies through the air to smack into the mantelpiece, taking out both the mirror above the fireplace and Raige in the process. As Phoebe and Raige crash to the carpet, Piper somersaults across the room to boot Aneesa in the stomach. Aneesa crumples to the floor. Piper darts over to her sisters while extracting a sheet of paper from the back pocket of her jeans. The three ladies recite as follows:

Claws of pain we have to sever: Demon, you are gone forever.

Aneesa throws a grand mal seizure as flames burst from her leather togs. She howls and shudders and eventually explodes.

The Glamorous Ladies rise from the carpet as Piper apologizes for calling Phoebe back to the Manor on such short notice. Aneesa, it seems, was "immune" to Piper's molecular manipulation, thereby explaining the need for the Power of Three. Raige notes a nasty scratch Phoebe received during the brief battle, and asks if Phoebe's okay. Phoebe insists she is, and the three stroll casually into the hallway, engaging in idle small talk about Phoebe's job and new apartment as they go. Their nonchalant tone is sort of amusing given everything what just happened, until Phoebe doofs that "it's good to know [they] can live apart and still kick some butt if [they] have to," and I return from amusement to irritation. Raige and Piper half-heartedly snicker in awkward agreement, so you know they have an enormous problem with the new living arrangements but refuse to confront Phoebe with their concerns. Speaking of items of concern, how about Raige's outfit? Low-slung jeans cinched with a bubblegum-pink belt under a rainbow-striped pastel off-the-shoulder top featuring a black silk-screen of Liza Minelli's face sprayed across the front. Well, not so much Liza's entire face as it is impressions of her eyes, the tip of her nose, and her mouth. Think of the print ads for Cabaret, and then wonder what Raige was smoking when she decided to buy a blouse with Liza's face on it.

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