Bite Me

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
Suck This

In the hallway, she nearly body-checks Queen Sam, who pretends he's been waiting for the elevator the entire time. The car arrives, and Sam chivalrously allows Raige entry first. As the doors close and the car begins its descent, Sam opens the conversation with, "Nice guy, huh?" Raige, understanding he's referring to Cole but too caught up in her dark fantasies of Sole evisceration to realize he's kidding, glares at Sam like he's just taken a dump in the elevator. Sam clarifies that he was being sarcastic, and introductions are offered. Raige, flustered from her run-in with The Sole, can't seem to get her gaydar in working order and fixes Sam with puppy dog eyes and an enormous, goofy grin of unabashed adoration. Well, either she's flustered or she's one of those unfortunate women who keep falling for guys who know all the words to "The Man Who Got Away." Sam gets a wicked glint in his eye and keeps the banter rolling along, extracting the relevant facts of Raige's exact relation to The Sole as he goes. The elevator hits the ground floor. Sam, now openly leading this poor lass on, asks if they can continue their delightful conversation at some point in the very near future. Raige titters girlishly and invites him to P3 later that evening. She steps from the car, expecting him to follow. He claims he has "underground parking." Raige nods her head around and wanders off as Sam dons a pair of sunglasses and the elevator doors slide shut.

Sodom, Vampire Lesbian Division. King Lizzie's enjoying a bath, and yes, the strumpet manicurist from the prior scene is the lucky gal who gets to sponge her down. Somewhere right now in Chappaqua, Bill Clinton's touching himself, and that, frankly, is a prospect far too disturbing for me to contemplate. Poor Chelsea. No wonder she fled to Europe to hang out with trans-Atlantic trash like Gwynnie and Donatella. With a dad like that, wouldn't you? Another strumpet artfully holds a towel just so, so that the viewing audience cannot glimpse King Lizzie's implants in all their soapy, glistening, immobile glory. Sam finishes filling her in on his encounter in the elevator with Raige. Lizzie's delighted, and gently chides Keats for suggesting that a meeting with The Sole would be useless. If they can convert a Charmed One to their side, she notes, they will be powerful enough to wrest control of the Underworld from anyone who would dare challenge them. Keats, killjoy that he is, points out the flaw in Lizzie's plan: Charmed Ones "don't change sides on a whim." Sam leans close to his shoulder to promise he'll be able to ensure Raige "sees things [their] way."

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