As the delightful Ann Cusack pleads her case, she suddenly glows and vanishes, only to reappear behind a bit of furniture on the far side of the room. As she staggers unsteadily to her feet from the psychic effort her trick evidently required, she explains that Mrs. Winterbourne "taught" the delightful Ann Cusack the power of astral projection before the former left the school on sabbatical, and yes, astral projection had previously been presented as something one is either born with or matures into, and no, it makes no sense that it is now a skill anyone with sufficient motivation can master, and yes, I hate this stupid, evil show because it sucks major amounts of ass, but let's keep the recap moving, shall we? "Trust me," a rather wobbly Ann Cusack assures Raige, "I am the best candidate for this job." And now Billy Zane roars into the frame. On a motorcycle, which leaps through a flash of distorted white light down the hall a bit to skid across the floor before slamming into and destroying a large table. "That's gonna leave a mark," Billy Zane notes a bit absently as Raige and Ann Cusack, who had leapt out of the way, warily approach him. "Who are you?" Ann demands, wielding a silver candlestick like a club. Heh. "I'm the new teacher!" Billy Zane grins. Raige and the delightful Ann Cusack wrinkle their noses in confusion as Billy Zane runs his fingers through his wildly unkempt wig before smirking his way into the opening credits.
The camera fades up on Billy Zane's reflection in one of the motorcycle's side mirrors before whipping around to take in Ann and Raige as Ann howls something about Billy Zane expecting a position at Not!warts after nearly killing them with his bike. "If I wanted to teach parallel parking, you might have a point," he lobs back at her mildly enough, "but I'm here for the literature post." I might as well admit this now: I've always liked Billy Zane, what with that sly mix of seeming sleepy-eyed obliviousness and quick, off-kilter, campy, occasionally dangerous wit he brings to just about every role I've ever seen him play -- and yes, I deliberately skipped The Phantom to maintain this illusion, so leave me the hell alone -- so you won't be hearing too much bitching about his performance from me over the next couple of episodes, no matter how ludicrous his plot points become. And I'm certain every single one of those plot points is going to be completely asinine, if tonight's events are anything to go by. Anyway, Billy Zane casually snaps his fingers, and his résumé flares into his hand. He finally rises from the bike to pass it to Raige, and we learn that the newcomer is "Drake," which early spoiler scripts indicated would be Brody's first name before they switched it to Kyle. Just a bit of trivia for those of you interested in such things, which I pray to God is, like, none of you, because no one should be wasting brain space on that kind of trash. Except for, apparently, me. Sigh.