Carpe Demon

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | Grade It Now!
Zane's World

Manor. Aftermath. Raige orbs onto the sun porch with Phoebe and Piper to find the Dolt caught up in the continuing live coverage of Drake's downtown adventure. Piper crosses to retrieve the hideous genetic mishap meant to represent Tiny Gay Chris from her husband's arms, and the mutant wad of blubber immediately attempts to devour her hand. Recast! Now! Meanwhile, Raige's scrying crystal has slammed down on a set of map coordinates somewhere in the Mission District, indicating the approximate location of Roché's underground lair. Piper correctly realizes that Roché's drawing them into a trap. Phoebe proposes they think like Robin Hood, and I give up. What the fuck is that supposed to mean, huh? Gah. ANY-way, off Phoebe's aggravating smirk, we cut down to...

...Hell, where Roché and Ann Cusack snipe at each other until another copy of Ann Cusack suddenly appears at the sorcerer's desk to make with some quippy remarks of her own. Roché compliments Special Ed Ann on what he believes to be her rapidly increasing mastery of the astral projection mojo until two more copies of Ann unexpectedly materialize in the chamber to taunt him. "The Charmed Ones!" he realizes, just a moment too late to do anything useful to save himself. Which, you know, is not such a bad thing at all, because he's repellent. As he scampers futilely towards an exit, the three unchained Anns cross to meet each other at the center of the cavern, and the trio begins to recite the following:

Evil blasts we cannot use:
The Power of Three now lights the fuse.

Midway through the spell, the three Anns vanish in a swirling cloud of glowing golf balls and morph down into Phoebe, Piper, and Raige. And when I say "morph down," I mean way down. Even in those ungainly flats she's been wearing for each of her appearances, Ann Cusack's still at least a foot taller than the principal women on this show. Heh. Roché's subsequent vanquish is mercifully quick, and the moment he's gone, Piper turns to congratulate her sisters on a job well done. "What about Drake?" Raige wonders. Look yonder, idiot, for into the chamber he now blazes from points purgatorial to greet Phoebe's beaming smile with an affable if disbelieving, "You saved me?" Phoebe remarks something about Maid Marian I'll not be transcribing as the delightful and still-shackled Ann Cusack rolls her eyes, all, "You hideously self-centered bitches want to get me out of these cuffs already?" Raige crosses to, like, scratch feebly at Ann's restraints or something, allowing Piper an opening to whinge about finding herself in the Underworld yet again, battling dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell and such. Drake ridiculously finds a certain amorous excitement in the situation, noting, "Most of the world's great lovers were brought together during a time of epic conflict." "Admittedly," he allows, "most of them were doomed, but they did find the romance in it." "So why can't you?" he demands, shooting a significant glance in Piper's direction. Incidentally, while he was drawing focus away from Ann Cusack with this little speech, he casually snapped his fingers, instantly releasing the restraints and sending Ann into a heap on the floor. Again: More amusing than anything so slapsticky has any right to be.

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