Centennial Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | Grade It Now!
Centennial Charmed

P3. Cell Block Piper strolls through the detritus, quizzing Raige on the club's success in the alternate -- you know what? Screw it. Nothing in this scene adds to the plot, despite what I must admit are lovely performances from Holly Marie Combs and Rose McGowan, so let's just cut to the chase. Maximum Security Dolt, Cell Block Piper, and Raige determine that Cole's reverted to Colethazor form, and Raige reminds them of the piece-of-flesh vanquish in the Book of Shadows. Cell Block Piper slides a huge bowie knife from her belt and deadpans, "All right, then. Let's go hunting." Scene.

Manor. Up in the rearranged Bimbo Boudoir, Prison Bitch Phoebe macks with the rapidly-aging underwear model upon a frilly four-poster over by the bay window, and oh! Hello, tuna salad sandwich I had for lunch! And the Wheat Chex I had for breakfast! How are you guys doing? And what's this? It's last night's cheesesteak, accompanied by my small intestine and pieces of my kidneys! So nice of you all to drop by! Cole thankfully barges through the door and hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death into Michael Bergin's chest before every single internal organ I own migrates to the carpet at my feet. What follows begins promisingly enough as a campy send-up of those notorious and numerous trampy-wife-versus-cuckolded-husband scenes from Dynasty's glory days. Regretfully, within seconds it degenerates into a by-the-book shrieking match of the sort we've all seen far too many times between these characters in the past. Cole gave up everything for her, and she still doesn't love him! No, Phoebe gave up everything for him, and it wasn't worth it at all! Blither bicker babble battle blah. Shame, really, because McMahon is acting the hell out of this, and even Milano's getting in a couple of good moments. At this point in this particular storyline, however, I simply can't care. Phoebe announces, "The only reason I'm still here is to make sure that what happened to Prue never happens to Piper, and you know it." Oh, honey. If you don't want what happened to Prue to happen to Piper, don't call your mother to have her call your agent to have him call Aaron Spelling to have him fire Holly Marie Combs. It's that simple. Cole launches into a tearful tirade about love lost and wah, but it's all over for the Feebs. "Maybe it wasn't meant to be." And with that, Prison Bitch Phoebe collects herself and exits the room in silence.

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