Centennial Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | Grade It Now!
Centennial Charmed

After a bleak beat, Cole pulls himself together and darts off into the hallway. What he intends to do or say, we'll never know, for Cell Block Piper launches a surprise attack from a hidden alcove and deploys her Hands Of Discontent. Their explosive force sends him flying backwards through the hallway, and he vanquishes the built-in glass-front cupboard with his back. "Now!" Cell Block Piper screams as Cole crashes to the floorboards in a shower of shattered glass. Maximum Security Dolt orbs in with Raige, who's been entrusted with the bowie knife. Cole, winded and in apparent pain from Piper's attack, remains on the floor as he seethes, "You!" "Surprised?" Raige seethes back at him with a hard glint in her eye. She lunges towards him, latches onto his wrist, and gouges a thumb-sized chunk of flesh from the heel of his hand. Youch. As Raige retreats into Maximum Security Dolt's arms with Cell Block Piper, Prison Bitch Phoebe races in from the stairs. "Piper!" she gasps. It's supposed to be A Tender Moment, but it only serves to break up the action. Shut up, Phoebe. Cole finally pulls himself from the floor and conjures a Flaming Ball Of Death with which to fry the interfering in-laws. Prison Bitch Phoebe throws herself on him, giving Maximum Security Dolt enough time to orb out with the others. Cole roars and, twisting at his waist, backhands Phoebe with a mighty pimp-slap. Prison Bitch Phoebe goes down like a French prizefighter. A French prizefighter in a pair of slingbacks and a tacky red dress. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. Prison Bitch Phoebe cowers on the floor as Cole howls for a pair of suddenly-appearing demonic underlings to kill the interfering in-laws "on sight." The underlings squiggle out. "[Raige] was telling the truth?" bleats the Feebs. "I didn't go through all of this to lose you," Cole menaces through the searing pain shooting up from the gaping wound in his palm. "If I'm going down, you're going down with me." Into the commercials, that is.

Over in the ruins of the club, the gals have jury-rigged a small cauldron atop the remains of the bar. After a bit of sisterly bonding between Cell Block Piper and Raige, Maximum Security Dolt orbs in with one last ingredient for the vanquish. Raige suggests they all take a few steps back, then flings the raw chunk of Cole's hand into the pot. The expected minor explosion follows, but why didn't they recite the spell? No matter. We've less than five minutes to go, so let's get this over with already. As Raige fills a handy vial with a bit of the potion, Cell Block Piper announces that she intends to have Maximum Security Dolt orb Prison Bitch Phoebe away from the Manor for safety's sake while she and Raige confront Cole. "Ready, sis?" she asks. Raige grins.

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